soldier, poet, king (a good omens fanfic)

01 - 'Cause I've been waiting for this moment all my life

"Now I can't drive like this, can I *?" Crowley said softly, staring at the baby behind his dark sunglasses.

* He could drive one handed, but this gave him the excuse to continue stroking the baby, which he kinda liked doing.

The baby mummered and leaned into the touch. Crowley sighed again and retracted his hand, but before the screaming began again, he reached over to slowly lift the baby from the basket and hold it in the crook of his elbow.

"Oh, there you go. Yeah, you good now?" Crowley bounced the baby in a way that was totally demonic and not parental in the slightest. "You're not gonna start crying on me again, are you?"

The Adversary, Destroyer of Kings, Angel of the Bottomless Pit, Great Beast that is called Dragon, Prince of This World, Father of Lies, Spawn of Satan, Lord of Darkness, did not, in fact, start crying. Instead, it snuggled unconsciously closer to Crowley's chest, content know that it was warm and would not be jiggled anymore by things in the road.

Crowley, however, looked down at the Adversary, Destroyer of Kings, Angel of the Bottomless Pit, Great Beast that is called Dragon, Prince of This World, Father of Lies, Spawn of Satan, Lord of Darkness, cuddled into his chest, and uttered one brief word.

"Shit."

***

Sister Mary Loquacious was a Satanist, but you never would have guessed if you had met her in passing. She was a bit absentminded, but tried her best, and was quite intuitive if she put her head to something.

While she had been a Satanist since birth, but her time in the Chattering Order was limited. She had only joined a few years ago, and soon there would be no Chattering Order left to speak of.

She didn't know that yet, though.

Sister Mary walked down the freshly washed halls with a soft 'click clack' from her heels against the tiled floor. Currently, in Room 3 of the hospital-that-wasn't-really-a-hospital, a young woman named Deirdre Young was giving birth to a baby boy that we'll call Baby A.

Her husband, Arthur Young, is waiting outside, smoking a cigar. They had not been planned to arrive to the hospital, but have been driving by when Deirdres water had broke and, in a blind panic, Arthur pulled up to the first building he saw, which happened to be a hospital. How lucky.

In Room 4, Harriet Dowling is giving birth to a son we'll call Baby B, who is the child of an American ambassador. This American ambassador was meeting with the US President at this current moment, conversing through FaceTime with his wife.

Crowley has just arrived to the hospital, with the Adversary, Destroyer of Kings, Angel of the Bottomless Pit, Great Beast that is called Dragon, Prince of This World, Father of Lies, Spawn of Satan, Lord of Darkness, who we'll call Baby C for the time being, nestled in the crook of his arm.

The plan of the Order of Chattering Nuns is for Crowley to hand Baby C over to a nun, who will wait with it as Baby A and Baby B were born. Once the births were finished, Baby A and Baby B will be taken to be washed and weighed, where Baby B will be switched with Baby C, and all will be good.

The unexpected Baby A will be with his parents, the Youngs, Baby C, aka the Adversary, Destroyer of Kings, Angel of the Bottomless Pit, Great Beast that is called Dragon, Prince of This World, Father of Lies, Spawn of Satan, Lord of Darkness, will be with the Dowlings, and Baby B, the biological son of Dowlings, will be shipped off to who knows where.