If You Can't Be With the One You Love

The Drawstring

"What have I done, Ollie?" He weeps into Oliver's chest. Oliver softly takes Barry's hair into the clasp of his palm and massages the back of his head.

He takes a deep breath as he ponders on his next words. He know he has to be frank with him, but he cannot be too harsh. So he decides to tell him exactly what he wished he would've been told after his first kill. "You did what you had to do, Bear."

"I-I killed him," Barry feels his breath hitch as he struggles to get the words out.

Oliver encloses Barry's face into his hands and brings his face level with his. He stares at him intensely, in hopes that he fully feels the exact words that he's trying to tell Barry. "You did. But now, only you can decide who you become after." He brings his face closer to his. "You can become stronger from it or let it define you for the rest of your life."

"I don't know how to move forward, Ollie. . ." Barry chokes, his eyes staring into Oliver's as they beg for mercy.

"All I know is you don't have to do it alone." Oliver smiles, fighting the firm muscles in his cheeks that want to frown along with the tears. "You are going to get through it, Barry. I believe in you." A light shines through his eyes as he speaks, the warmness cutting through Barry's soul.
Through tears, Barry mimics the emotion on Oliver's face. "But we need to get out of here."

Barry nods, looking back at Hernandez before running off, dropping Oliver on his bike so he could leave in his own way.

The pain was still there, burning away at Barry's insides. There was no justifying what he did. He relented to the darkness and allowed it to consume him. He took the life of another man— there was nothing that he could do to change it. But in the midst of all this murk stood a blaze. The blaze illuminated throughout Barry's soul— it was Oliver. He was a light. He was the light.

He truly did not see a life, a timeline, a world, anything— without Oliver Queen standing by his side for the rest of his life. He knew that he would not be able to deal with the fallout of his actions without Oliver. He was his rock. He was the drawstring on his arrow— except with Oliver around, it wasn't pulled back ready to fire. It remained in a constant neutral position.

Barry runs back into S.T.A.R Labs, feeling the burning glares of all who stared at him as he pulled himself to a halt. He caught a glimpse of Joe and Iris. He couldn't look up. He couldn't face them. He knew that he utterly disgraced them.

But despite this, Iris walked up to him. She took the bloodied gloves off of his hands and threw them into a trash can behind him. She took his hands into her own and pulled them to her chest. She looked up at him, forcing his eyes to look into hers. Sincerity filled her tone and expressions as she told him softly, "You're still a hero, Barry. Don't forget that."

She pulled him in for a tight embrace. Barry relished in it. He could sense the frustration and disdain that was instilled in Iris, yet, she showered him with compassion. She wasn't going to scold him for his mistake because she knew exactly who Barry was at his core and that's what mattered to her. It brought a sense of peace, and normalcy, back to Barry.

She cupped his cheek with her palm, smiling. She looked back at Joe, who's attention was towards the ground. She steps away from Barry as she addresses the rest of the room. Caitlin, Laurel, and Diggle's eyes are locked on Iris' as she speaks. "I think we should give them the room."

Iris pats his cheek before leading the pack out of the cortex. The tension suddenly thickens once again as Joe doesn't look up at Barry. They both stand there, lost for words. A conflict settles within Joe— the fatherly instinct to begrudgingly berate his son for doing something irrevocably stupid. But also, he feels the maternal empathy and grief that he constantly feels for Barry— the "kid" he has watched suffer tragedy after tragedy. The kid who has been knocked down so many times that he had every right to just give in to the punches and stay down.