From The Ashes

Chapter 1

He rode slowly, purposefully, his horse's steps sinking softly into the sand. The sapphire blue water lapped at the beach along which he trod. The rider had traveled a great distance, and now his journey was nearing an end. He had wished for this moment since he had left her, and had regretted the choice he had made with all of his soul. Part of him thrilled at the thought of finally reaching his destination. The rest of him dreaded what he might find. Whatever reception he was to receive, he could not even dare guess.

The sea air blew the dark cloak the rider wore around him as he drew his steed to a pause, making him seem almost a shadow. 'Fitting' the man thought. He had been living as a specter for nearly a year. He inhaled the freshness blown in by the ocean waves and tried to calm his racing heart. Another gust drew the cloak away from the leather reigns the shadow-rider held, exposing a hand of gold that glinted in the sun and nearly blinded him. Jaime Lannister closed his eyes against the glare and tried to pray that he would find her at last. It had been nearly three moons shy of an entire year since they had shared their passion, since he had known what it was like to love and be truly loved. Then he had left her crying alone in the night. If it took a lifetime of atonement, he would find a way to win her back. Centering himself, and gathering all the courage he still hoped he had, Jaime gently spurred his horse to continue the path he steered, as Evenfall Hall loomed ahead of him.
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The darkness began to lift. He could not tell for sure if he was dead, or where it was that he lay. The first thing that told Jaime that he was alive was Tyrion's face hovering on the edge of his awareness. Surely, nothing, not even dragonfire could kill his little brother. He was the most tenacious of souls Jaime had ever known. The next signal that he was still among the living was the intense searing pain that shot through every part of his body. Not even losing his hand had been as agonizing. Slowly reality had sunken in on him. The destruction of Kings Landing. The collapse of the Keep, Cersei, and Brienne. He had awaken to find himself a shattered man. His body was a broken shell of what it had been. His mind was plagued with the choice he had made, and his heart was a gaping hole in his chest. It seemed that every cell in his body screamed the name of his true love.

"Brienne!" Echoed in his head. It was his own heart screaming out for her.

When realization finally set in, Jamie begged his brother to recount everything that had passed while he had laid unconscious. With tears in his eyes, Tyrion told Jamie how he had found him lying in the bowels of the Red Keep holding Cersei in the fallen debris. Tyrion had thought both were dead, and he had cried to the gods for taking his brother, the only person who had ever shown him real love. Then Jaime moved. Tyrion had covered Jaime's golden hand so that not a soul knew of his existence, and had procured help to take him to what remained of Lord Varys's home. He was certain no one would come searching around there. He found discreet Maesters and servants to see to his brother's numerous injuries, and attend him during his recovery.

It had taken months for Jaime simply to walk again. The journey had been arduous and painful. The former Kingslayer had many long and endless moments in which to be alone with his thoughts. He did not mourn Cersei, not even as his sister, and certainly not as his lover. That title belonged now to another, even if she would never agree to see him again. He searched his soul for whatever good he could find there, trying to be worthy of the Lady Knight he had wronged. Jaime had truly felt that leaving Brienne had been the the right thing to do. He wanted to protect her from the monster he was deep inside himself. He knew he did not deserve her. He had to protect Brienne from the beast who would certainly take her life, his sister. Cersei would have found great pleasure in torturing and killing Brienne once she realized where Jaime's heart now rested. Jaime had no doubt that Cersei would be able to tell his feelings had changed. His touch, his kiss, even the tone of his voice when he spoke to her no longer held the love or obsession they once had. He needed to protect Brienne from Cersei's wrath. It was only now as he lay near death, and in unimaginable pain that he realized how that night must have seemed to Brienne. The emotional torment of knowing how he had hurt her was far worse than anything his body endured. He hated himself. He had been a fool.