Life

🕢

I try to show my best self to others. All the while trying to disprove their existing opinions about me, in hopes that they'll at least accept me as a person.

"cold-hearted"

"ice queen"

"slut who uses her
beauty to advance"

"emotionless"

"rich bitch"

"stuck up"

"conceited"

"mean"

While my social standing and looks get harsh judgements, they were rarely ever deal breakers. In a way, I guess people were attracted to it because I have what they don't.

But when it came to disclosing my feelings, that's when things start to go downhill.

Because I'm constantly met with the statement that someone like me isn't allowed to be unhappy. Let alone, suicidal.

I'm told that I have nothing to die over. I have nothing to be depressed over. I have nothing to be less than happy with my life.

Unless I was clinically insane that is...

So people thought I was just another crazy person or a self victimizing, complainer.

Either way, people no longer see me as "me".

They just saw me as a person with a problem.

"can't help with that
sorry"

"I'm busy"

"go away"

A problem they don't want to be associate with.

People kept leaving me because of it. Because I told them I was struggling.

To have another person leave me for a similar reason...

I don't want to experience that kind of hurt again...

That's why I can't tell him...

Because if he knew the full extent of my problems...

He'll want nothing to do with me and leave...

And why wouldn't he?

Because in a world where there are so many fish in the sea

So many bigger fish

So many prettier fish

So many healthier fish

So many better fish

Why would he or anyone else for the matter,

Settle for that one small weak fish?