Letters...words...sentences...paragraph...and still I couldn't make up anything to say to you while you leave so hushly and so slow..your heart was uttering something different...it was diverging so rapidly..it was a chaos and nothing could be more ravishing...I hate to see you go...I could have said that or any other combination of words on this damned world...but still not a fucking word or emotion.it was like life didn't exist before you..it was like I was this dumb creature and that you tutored me everything and when you set out to set your soul on fire or to simply 8exist you took every ounce of my existence and left me with this feeling I couldn't quite make up..I was just this torpid mortal..not different from the dead..I just waited calmly for you to come back..I have always wondered sick of what my purpose in the world was.when I found you I thought why someone would need more reason to live for...and when you left waiting for you became my other reasons to survive..it seemed rummaging..to come across you became a passion and not a poet or a painter could ever exceed it...I searched for you in all the faces..I made sure I looked twice...I just wandered..and wandered for something I knew that I had lost forever..loving you was like a fairytale...existing for you was a habit that burnt my soul...you were my home...the home that used to exist in my imagination...it felt like we were infinite..someday I dream of us..walking in the narrow streets of Verona.with our hearts filled with love we couldn't explain...I didnt live that with you so how come I can feel what it would be like at that moment...how did I became so intertwined with this imagination of us...my life before you was a fantasy...and now my cursed self is left with nothing...just fantasies...I guess I was always destined to live in a fantasy world...and that all the bullshit people said to me was true and also that I have become my own society..the one telling myself to end this misery...all these came to me while I was standing on the side of the road watching all these people with all their stories carved and written upon their faces...some show felicity for holding hands of people that they are sure are gonna stay forever...some are like an enclosed vessel...their backs are curved and their heads facing the ground searching for something so vague as if they dont want anything to do with world...I see myself in them...I wonder just how broken they must feel???I wonder what they felt like when the world turned down all their love??God!!!how blinding will it be to be so crushed by same existence as you with the same heart dubbing a sound so indistinguishable...same blood being splashed into a body with it's own mystery and the way it operates...maybe that's why it becomes hard to accept the fact of being hurt by creatures so same as you...I guess that man was right when he said we were just the same in feeling things and being bound to our emotions.i wanted to shout out for me and for all the faces that hold all the pain inside as if it was gonna make anything better....as if it was gonna make it bleed less...fools...all of us were tangled up in our web that none of us had any power to save eachother...actually maybe nothing is wrong with the society...maybe everything was just wrong with me...maybe everything is totally ruined by my expectations and my fantasies and this world that I live in in my mind...I started walking and begun a whole other thing and I see these people who are so quiet and married people,people with children,people walking alone,people who serve God...priests...wives...husbands...old man..old woman...lover boys...lover girls...workers...beggars...creatures...and i feel bad for them for not getting a life they could have had when all that should be done was them feeling bad for me...cause you know they have made peace with themselves and their experiences...their thoughts...they just find bliss in their children or in their soulmates or in their livelihoods or in their friends...their days or their gatherings and just feel satisfied...how come i dont do that??how come I cant settle for anything less??how come i didnt let my self accept the fact that you were too good for me??just like what the devils whisper to me???what people say not in their words but in their facial expressions...what I was carefully thought in my illusions...so as my overthinker mind made it up to me now I think I know why I became dumbfounded when you left...now I think about it it was all cause for the first time I settled for the truth and made peace with it...I made peace with my blood that infact I was unlucky and is destined to be left out of everything worth having...its like a generation of low spirited creatures with a melancholic blood running through their blood vessels only to remind them that we are restless psychos...everything frightened me cause I knew now that I delusioned...
