Jaemin the Icy Prince on Campus - Na Jaemin NCT

21. You're My First and Only

"You were so excited, though. I ruined it."

He chuckled. "Don't worry. I'm still excited."

"But it's not . . ." I lost my train of thought, gripping your shoulders to keep myself upright. "It should be . . ."

You lowered your mouth to mine and whispered, "Should be what?"

"It was explosive just now," I breathed. "Fast. Fireworks."

"Just because we go slow, and take our own sweet time doesn't mean there aren't fireworks." 

You threw the damp cloth on the floor, and climbed back into bed with me.

With your free hand, you held the back of my head and kissed me. Still holding my neck, you kissed the underside of my jaw, my throat, my collarbone. 

I ran my nails over your dark stubble, touched the veins in your neck, grazed your silky chest with my fingertips. You let me explore, groaning with every single brush, every single touch. Encouraged by your response, I feathered my lips lightly over the length of you. 

You were so beautiful. All of you.

"God, Mina," you muttered, inhaling through your nose. "Kiss me."

I kissed you, and our lips clung.

"What're you thinking?" he asked, drawing back for a bit, and looking into my eyes. "Tell me."

"Nothing," I said.

"Is it because it hurts?"

"No, it's not..."

"You have to be honest with me," you said. "Do you hear me? Nothing, I mean, nothing, is more important than you. Don't stay quiet when I'm hurting you."

"You're not hurting me." I kissed him. "I don't mind. I know it'll get better in time."

Oh, how embarrassing.

You laughed, and tilted up my chin.

"So have you been researching when I'm not around? Who'd have thought? And here I was, thinking you're such an innocent."

"Stop it," I mumbled. I know my face is red. "Junnie said - "

"Ah, Junnie. I knew it. She's a bad influence. That poor boyfriend of hers - I've got to warn him."

I smacked your ass so hard you jumped.

"Ouch." But you were still laughing. You looked gorgeous, and my breath caught in my throat.

I love you so much. So much.

"It's still going to hurt," you said, turning serious, your eyes sobering, a flicker of pain in them. "It tears me to pieces knowing that I hurt you, and I'll hurt you some more. I can't fix that. I wish I could. I'd die rather than hurt you, you know that. I love you. I love you." You kissed me tenderly, like I was so fragile, so precious. "I'm just going to go slow. At first. Until you get used to me. We'll take it slow. We've got all the time in the world."

You held me close, your heart thudding against mine.

"And you're going to get used to me, darling. I promise you that."

You tilted my head up by my chin. 

"Being your first means everything to me. I haven't just dreamed about it, Mina. I've had nightmares about it."

"I've driven myself crazy for how badly I've wanted you." You tucked my hair behind my ear, then slid your hands down my back, pulling me tight against him, like a second skin. "I thought I would wait until you grew up a little, until you're older. But I guess it's too late for that now..." I could hear the smile in your voice.

"So, out with it." You trailed a finger caressingly over my lips. "What are you thinking?"

"I'm just - I'm just thinking..." My voice trailed off.

"What?"

"...that it's not your first time..."

I look down at my hand curled around yours.

How hard it was to get the words out.

I fought against the urge to pull my hair over my shoulders, the only means left to cover myself. 

"I mean taken someone's virginity. Obviously it's not your first time having sex."

"It might as well be. Nothing's ever mattered to me as much as this."

"Nothing?" Your words made me courageous, so I touched your chest. 

"Not with anyone else? Not with - " Sara, I wanted to say, but her name stuck in my throat.

You moved my hand over your heart. 

"Nothing. And no," you added. "I haven't done this before. I mean I've slept with other girls - I'm not going to lie about that, but this? You? It's like I died and went to heaven. I love you. I love you. You're the first girl I've ever done this with with love in my heart. Before, it didn't mean a thing. But this, what we did, you, it means everything. Everything." Your voice shook and you swallowed.

"You're my first," you said quietly, looking steadily into my eyes. "And my only."

You took my face in your hands. 

The eyes I'd come to know so well were dimmed in a way I'd come to understand. My words had hurt you. Maybe it was silly to think about Sara, about all the other girls who had come before me, but I hated that I hadn't been your first love as you'd been mine. 

"Mina." 

"It kills me that you're thinking about the - others. They don't mean a thing to me. I love you. I've always loved you. I'll always love you."

"Erase them for me then," I whispered. "All your memories of them. Erase them all. For me."

"They're already erased."

"How can I think of anyone, or anything but you? How can I think of anyone, or anything when you exist?" You put your forehead to mine. "I love you. I love you. I love you. I'm so in love with you, I have been for so long, that there's no room for anyone, or anything else."

I stroked your face tenderly. I wondered if you could see all the love I have for you shining in my eyes.

"I'm glad," I whispered, "that you're my first and only."

I had tears in my eyes.

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Author's Note

I'm so sorry for the slow update. I have been so caught up and engrossed in my other book, Prince Caspian.

But here it is, and thank you for your patience.

So this is a first for me. This is the first time ever, that I'm writing about a sex scene - I'm holding my breath here, just writing the S word - is that thunder I hear? I debated very long whether to write about Mina's First Time, or to gloss over it and skip to the next scene. But after a great deal of thought I have concluded that it's important to write about it. It is a traumatic experience for her, and it is necessary to propel her to the next phase of her life as an adult and a woman. I felt it would be very unfair to my readers to leave this crucual episode out. 

I have tried my best to make it more emotional, and less graphic, and more real. 

Oh, and be prepared for the coming of winter...I have dropped hints. Jaemin says, "We have all the time in the world..." in the supreme confidence of youth and love.

Do they really?

Thank you for reading my story, and don't forget to follow, vote, comment and share. A comment means so much more to me than an upvote. It motivates me and warms me every I read a comment, and I float around the rest of the day in a little bubble of joy. Writers out there know what I mean. I'm getting better at shameful self-promotion, I think. I was so embarrassed the first time I posted it on my Prince Caspian chapter.