I don't even fucking know

What is Love to You?

      There are different kinds of love, of course. There is the one that you share with family, the one you share with friends, and then the heart wrenching but also amazing one you share with lovers.

          The one I share with family is tough, we may fight or secretly despise each other at some points, but we always come back to each other. My family is fucked up and I sometimes try to hate them but I just can't, even when they are the cause of my pain. I always just try to think about the good times.

           The one I share with friends is hanging on by a thread, me being the glue trying to keep it together. I'm trying really, really hard. Sometimes I think I might just be trying too hard. The only one I can trust to the max is my best friend. I love her more than anything most times. She takes my shit and I take hers but I never get annoyed by her and just want to stop. She is amazing and keeps me going even if it's hard.

      The last is the love you share with lovers. That kind of love is like no other. But if you really think about it, it's really all of the different kinds of love and more. A lover is your best friend, your family, and other half. Love with a lover makes your heart hurt at how much you love them. You are sometimes afraid to will lose them.

            My family has always said the love before your 18 is nonexistent. Maybe they're wrong, maybe they're not, but I've seen it in others or sometimes myself. It so amazing.

          I have someone in my life that I know I love. I'm that I'm afraid to lose them. I always think about what I would do if I did lose them, but all I would feel is numb. Like I wouldn't feel happy, or sad, or mad. I would feel ... nothing? I guess you would call it that. Relationships don't last long sometimes and just keep thinking everyday, Is today the day? The day I will feel nothing? I bet it's a joke, a bet of some kind and all I will feel is numb.

Authors Note!!!
This is my real life FYI.
But something to cheer you up from this crappy writing. Take a shot every time I say love in this. 💕

Authors Note 6-9-2020
Just did some editing, sorry I suck ass lmao