Not good enough

Part 9

Ben stares at that scenery. His heart is racing. Now he understands everything. Why she wore long sleeved shirts, even at the bar. Why she refused to see him for whole days. Why she didn´t want him to pick her up at home. Why she always had stupid excuses when she had slight bruises. The work at the bar. Drunk guy tried to grab her. She fell. She hurt herself while she was working out.  And he suddenly feels guilty. He should have known. Her sad eyes. Her changing moods. Why didn´t he see that, how could he have been so damn blind?

“You little slut, I dare you hitting me again, you hear me?” Sarahs uncle yells at her, while she is trying to protect herself by holding one arm up. He swings to hit her again, and Ben freaks out. He feels pure adrenalin running through his veins, he won´t let that asshole even touch the girl he loves. Ben pulls him away from Sarah, smashes him against the wall. He starts punching him into his face and stomach, he gets beaten as well, but he doesn´t care. He is so angry right now, he doesn’t even feel pain.

“Sarah, get out of here!” he yells at her, and she gets up and runs out on the street and finds shelter in Bens car. “You´re not going anywhere, you hear me!” her uncle yells after her. Ben boxes him right into his face. He bumps his head against the door case and sinks down on the floor, groaning, his eyes half closed. Ben bends down and grabs him at his collar.

“Don´t you EVER touch her again - I will come back and I swear I will kill you! You fucking asshole…”

Sarah – he suddenly thinks and looks around. He runs out of the house, gets into his car. Sarah is sitting there, snuggled on the seat, her knees pulled close to her.

“I am so sorry!” Ben tells her, pulling her close, wrapping his arms around her, in an attempt to protect her, to make her feel safe. “No, Ben…my arm…” she cries out. He takes a look at her arm, it seems to be broken.

“Baby.. my god… you need a doctor…”

“No… just bring me away from here…” she sobs, still crying, her heart racing. Ben carefully caresses her face… her bruised, sad, hurt face…

“I am so sorry… I didn´t know…I am so sorry …I am gonna take you to a hospital, you need to be seen by a doctor Sarah!” He gives her a kiss on her forehead and pulls her close again. “I will never let him hurt you again, you hear me?”

Chris stares at Ben. Hearing this is more than he can stand. He didn´t expect this. He feels like an idiot. How could he be such an ass, damn, now he sees everything clear. “I later brought her to my place and made her stay. I wanted her to report him to the police, but she refused. She said she didn´t want to see that guy again. She never took one more step into her uncles house. Me and Tom went there one more time and got her stuff. Thank god that asshole was at work at that time. I tell you, I wanted to kill him. Seriously.” Ben clenches his jaw.

“Damn… my god, I had no idea…”

“That wasn´t all I wanted to tell you. She told me that her uncle used to beat her when he was drunk. God, I mean, beating up a woman, it´s just disgusting. And then she told me... that she… she admitted that she was doing coaine.”

Chris looks up, his eyes wide open. “What?”

Ben nods. “I was devastated. I mean, I didn´t see it. I felt stupid and useless and guilty, she told me she was taking it when she was at home... because she felt strong and she felt like she was able to defend herself against him when she was on coke. She felt strong. She claimed she needed it. It was a long struggle. I convinced her to seek help, she even went to a therapist. I thought it would help her. That trauma of losing her parents… her violent uncle… that was all too much for her. And all this made her the woman she is today. She is overly careful when it comes to trust someone. She is shy, reserved and distrustful. When she was out of her uncles house, she changed even more. She got even quieter and she acted like she had to proof she can be independent. That´s when our troubles started.  I guess she feeled ashamed. Ashamed because I saw all of this. She wouldn´t let me get close to her anymore. She wanted to pull her thing through, she wanted to proof she could be strong without anyone. We just fought most of the time. And the drugs… she fought hard, and she got clean finally, but I lost her. I just lost her…” Ben stares out of the window.

“You still love her, don´t you?” Chris finally breaks the silence. Ben looks at Chris with a slight smile.

“Yeah, I do. I love her more than I can tell. And I still wish I could be with her.”

Chris inhales. “Damn.”

“I was with her last night.” Ben suddenly states. He will not tell him that she did cocaine again last night. Because he is afraid of Chris’ reaction. And of Sarahs. He will talk to her about that first. He might have already revealed too much of her life, but he knows that this is the only way to make Chris see how Sarah really is.

Chris rushes up and runs his fingers through his hair. He didn’t want to hear that.

“Hey, we didn´t… I kissed her… nothing else happened… but you know what.. even though I still love her – I know that we will never be together again. We´re not meant to be Chris. I told you all this because I know that Sarah likes you. And I want you to take care of her. Now you know everything – I am sure you´ll do all the right things.”

Ben gets up. He taps Chris’ shoulder.

“I won´t get between you and her. You just have to see that all these things bound us together. She will always be important for me. And so will I be for her. You have to accept…” He is interrupted by a knock on the door.