SBMBG Book 3: Skater and Ballerina: Together Again?

Chapter 11: Clear Things Up: Step 1

"Xave..." I was standing up. "About what happened last night and earlier this morning--" I didn't have the chance to continue what I'm saying because he cut me out.

"Don't mention it, Kylie. I understand what it means." sabi niya without looking at me and proceed to eating.

"No, you don't. I want to explain--" He butt in again.

"You don't have to explain anything. What you said last night was right. I get it. And about this morning..." medyo natahimik sya. Bigla tuloy akong na-awkward-an... I'm sure he knows that something happend between Bench and I.  "You don't have to say anything about it. It's your body, it's your life, it's your choice. i have nothing to do with it." He finished at last.

Huminga ako ng malalim. Pinipilit kong habaan ang napakaiksi kong pasensya. Come on, Ianne. Intindihin mo na lang si Xave. He's just hurt. Habaan mo ang pasensya mo... but I can't! Ugh!

"Nakakainis ka!" I blurted out. Bigla naman syang napatingin sa biglaan kong pag-sigaw sa kanya. "Why do you have to act like this? Why are you acting that you don't care about me?!" There, I said it! If he's hurt, I'm also hurt!

"I don't get why you're acting like that." Binalik na niya ulit ang atensyon sa pagkain. Natigilan ako. Why is he so cold to me? He was never like this to me especially if he knows I'm having a mental breakdown.

"Why are you.... acting like this?" I asked again, but this time, in a more gentle way. "You said you understand, but clearly you don't." I said, dismayadong dismayado. He didn't say anything kaya nagpatuloy ako.

"Last night I told you that you have to think of yourself and not just me and Tribal but it doesn't mean that I want you to stop caring about us." aniya ko. He didn't respond. "And what happened between me and Bench is one of the reasons kung bakit mas kailangan mo na akong kalimutan. We're getting back together at kapag hindi mo pa ako kinalimutan lalo ka lang masasaktan." Alam kong matagal na niyang alam ang desisyon ko. That's the thing, matagal na akong nakapag-desisyon pero walang nangyayari. I need a progress with this family I'm dreaming.

"Xave..." Marami pa sana akong gustong sabihin pero sa bandang huli... "I'm really sorry, Xave." I let out a very deep sigh. I cannot express it all and just ended up apologizing. Tahimik lang si Xave. Pati ako natahimik na rin... Parehong walang nagsalita sa amin... This silence is frustrating... I hate this part.

"Sorry na...." I sniffed. "Sorry na kasi." Nag-init yung paligid ng aking mga mata at naramdaman ko na lang ang papatulo kong luha. "It's also hard for me, you know. I don't want to let you go but I have to... Iniisip ko lang naman kung ano ang makakabuti para sa ating lahat eh. I don't want to hurt you anymore." I sniffed again and exhale. Ayan, tuluyan na akong napaiyak. Do you know how it feels? I've been feeling on the edge this whole day, freaking stressed and everything, gusto ko na lang umiyak at matapos ang lahat ng 'toh.

Xave stopped eating but he didn't say anything. Nakatayo lang ako dito sa may gilid niya, nakatakip ang mukha at umiiyak. Why does he have to be so cold to me? I'm not used to it... I miss my Xave who was always here for me no matter what. Yung kahit mabigat yung loob ko, sya na yung bahalang pagaanin yung mga bagay- bagay. The Xave that I can depend on.