You know that little spark that's there before the ignition when you light up a lighter? She is that spark to me.... Every time she's there my whole world lights up.
"Why don't you give up?" They asked.
Give up? Give up on what? She's not some dream that I can give up on, neither is she any possession I can let go of. She is a part of me.... can a flower give up on its fragrance or can a candle give up on its light? You see a flower in itself is just another plant ...what gives life to it is the fragrance associated and a candle without the fire is just another stick of wax... what gives purpose to it is the fire at the top. And how can I give up? After years of living with hope how can I give up now? The situations are not in my favour but the situation have always been like this and if I didn't give up then I sure won't give up now.
People who seek approval for loving someone have never loved at all. My love is far beyond the limit of anyone's approval, not even her's... She can love me back, hate me or just stay neutral but it wont change the fact that I'll keep loving her and I would take that love in my heart to my death bed and maybe beyond.
I would keep loving the way she smiles everytime I meet her, the way she rolls away her eyes in disagreement everytime she's pissed, the way she flaunts her innocence with a childish look, the way she tries to play it cool even though she feels awkward everytime she walks down the road with me. She hates the fact that I have a warm spot in my heart for her but what can I do? How can I not look at her the way I do? How can I not let my eyes scream and tell her that I do love her and will keep on loving her? How can I hide my feelings for her when everytime she walks in the rate of my heartbeat, the sweat on my forehead, the blush on my cheek and the dilation of my pupils tells it all?
First time I saw her she was just a beautiful face, then we talked and I realized her beauty extended far beyond her face. I can hardly pinpoint to one or two things that sparked this fire but everytime she came near me I knew this was it... "You'll find a better one" she might say some day but nothing better will be equal to what she is to me. You know that time when you slowly bring a magnet towards another magnet and at a point they realize there's some force, some connection between them.... she is that magnet to me... I don't need reasons or excuses to love her.... I just do... like the flower thats spreading its fragrance or a candel that's lighting up the room... Its in my nature to love her.
"Its just a self destructive path" my friends said hoping to save me from hurting myself but I doubt that would stop me. Have you ever seen a moth falling in love with a burning candle?
It was around 7 years back, due to some ongoing energy crisis we used to spend most nights in darkness, and some days the electricity would be gone for so long that all the inverters would be drained out too. It was one such night, I had my preboards and there was no light, no inverter... just a candle allowing me to at least guess the letters. As It was a summer night,I had the windows open for obvious reasons, when suddenly a moth entered into my room. As soon as he entered the room he fell in love with the flame at the top of the candle. He wanted to express his love to the flame so he kept circling the candle. "Its too hot for him to even get close'' I thought but I was wrong. He jumped at the flame without even a second thought and immediately fell down probably hurt by the burn he sustained . "He must have learned from his mistake now" i thought but wrong again. That dumb insect jumped at the candle again and again and got hurt so badly that he nearly died... I blew off the candle without wasting a second as I knew by this time that he would die but not giveup on the candle.
After few moments of flying here and there it seemed as if he finally gave up as there was no sign of him in that darkness. So after closing all the windows just to make sure that mad insect won't get back in I lit the candle and right at the moment saw him waiting there patiently for the fire to come back and as soon as he saw the fire he jumped at it for one last time before he finally gave up on his life. Now he was lying there dead and the candle was right there shining as brightly as before... his death wasn't of any concern for her. But you cant blame the candle either, it was not her fault that the moth fell in love with her, that he jumped at her flame again and again just to prove his love and it was not her fault that he died while trying desperately to show her that he cared. It's just in the fate of the Moth to die expressing his love for the flame.
I'm that moth and she is that fire to me.... I keep flying towards her and she keeps burning me and yet I'm happy to be burned little by little everyday till I finally break down never being able to fly again.
"If you love something set it free...." they pitched a cliche dialogue at me but how can I set someone free when I never had the hold of them. She has always been a free bird flying in that limitless sky and I'm just a rusted old birdhouse waiting there silently for her to choose as her home and as it has been for so many years the wait continues.....
