Always running scared

Ch.1 Alex

I had hoped I wouldn’t find myself in the same spot I was in a few years ago. But here I am yet again packing up my bags and running away from another bad situation. I seem to have a knack for bad situations or maybe they he a knack for me. I found myself trusting another person I thought who loved me but as it turns out, that wasn’t true. I’m hoping to be packed up and gone before he gets home from work. I throw some clothes and a few other things I know I can’t live without into a bag. 
I then toss my phone on the bed because I won’t be needing that anymore. I collect all the cash I had hidden in random spots throughout the house. I knew I might need it one day and today is that day. It may not be much, but It will help get me to where I need to go. I can figure things out once I get to where I’m going. The angry bruise greets me in the mirror  as a reminder as to why I’m better off alone. I gently roll my fingers over it, feeling the sting from my touch as I grimace from the pain. The once dark blue and purple splotch is now turning into a faded purple with a hint of yellow. I throw on a pair of huge sun glasses and my favorite hoodie, then head out the door to my sorry excuse for a car. My red Toyota sits in front of me with its faded paint and slight crack going across the windshield from when Josh threw a rock at my car when I refused to get out of it one day. I curse loudly at myself when I notice I only have half a tank of gas. It will have to be good enough to get me the hell out of here and away from Josh. I will no longer stick around and be his designated punching bag. I knew by not having much to my name, that it wouldn’t be easy for me to just up and leave but it was even harder for me to stay.  
It doesn’t matter how low my gas tank is, there is no way I’m stopping until I feel I’m far enough away from here. Last time I was running away from an abusive step father with a wandering eye and a drugged-up mother who failed at keeping me safe from him. Now here I am running away again. After I turned 18, I started feeling his gaze on me and couldn’t help but feel the bile slowly rise up my throat. I knew it was time for me to leave. I had stolen money that my step father had in his wallet. It wasn’t much but it was all I could get my hands on. Then I took off in the car my mom gave me for my 17th birthday. She got it in one of those auctions her and my aunt loved to go to. A nice fixer upper that my step father had to do some work to in order to get her up and running. I was lucky I had that car because little did I know at the time, it was going to be my saving grace and temporary sleeping place. I settled in a small town and managed to get a job at a small diner. Then I met Josh. Sweet, handsome, smooth talker Josh. I was never much for believing in fairy tales, but Josh made me feel as if I stepped right into one for the first few months we dated. I remember the first day we met like it was yesterday. I walked up to his table to take his order and his hazel eyes locked into mine as a smile lifted onto his face. He leaned into the table while pressing the menu to it as he rested his chin on onto his closed hand to look at me.”well aren’t you just the prettiest girl I have ever had take my order in this place, you must be new here because I would have surely remembered a face like yours", he said while flashing a toothy smile. I shy away at first from his words and I could feel my cheeks fill with a shade of red from being nervous. I of course smile back while asking to take his order and things just sort of went from there. He started showing up more and asking for me as his waitress. I saw it as sweet and romantic at first but now I shudder at the thought.
It all happened so fast and before I knew it we were going on date after date. Soon Josh became my boyfriend and I never had a boyfriend before so I couldn’t help but think Josh was the best thing in my life. Shortly after, he asked me to move in with him. Of course, I agreed because I thought we were in love and that I was finally getting my happily ever after. Three months after living with Josh, he started to change. It was as if he was suddenly, this different person. As if someone reached up inside him and flipped a switch. I never seemed to do anything right in his eyes. He became short tempered all the time. He started slamming his hand on things and throwing stuff near me. He had to constantly know where I was. Even if I was just 30 minutes late, he would question why it took me so long to get home from work. 
 
I would get invited to hang out with friends but found myself making up lame excuses as to why I couldn't go and after a while people just stopped asking me. It slowly progressed from there. Soon I was the one he was slamming his hand into and I was the one he was throwing around like I was rag doll. I never told Josh about my life before him. It was like he already knew I was broken and purposely chose me because of it. I have an older brother on my father’s side who lives in Houston, Texas, so I decided to head that way. I haven’t seen him since I was 5 and have no idea what I will say to him. Maybe something along the lines of, “Hey I’m your long lost sister. I haven’t seen you in about 15 years but are you interested in having a fun and small family reunion with a complete stranger”. Either way I hope this is the last time I’ll ever have to run. I glance into the rearview mirror saying goodbye to a life I knew I would never miss and would soon be forgotten as I continued to drive, leaving everything I once knew behind.