My father was the first male to make me cry.
I am 14.
He is 36.
He's always had anger issues.
He refuses to accept it though.
He doesn't like to listen.
He's an alcoholic.
He says things when he drinks and forgets it the night after.
He apologizes and I always smile and say "it's okay".
Easy to forgive and hard to forget.
He's the lucky one, he has the luxury of not remembering.
My words say "I understand, I'll try to forget." as my smile says otherwise.
He doesn't want to see a therapist.
Claims he wasn't burdened with the mental illness.
However, it runs in his family.
It's in his blood.
Though all of this true, it seems his first child's words are never enough.
Claims he wants to be better but doesn't take the first step.
When he sees my bitter stinging tears he claims I'm "fucked up."
Everything I do is a mistake and a slip-up.
Everything I do seems to fuck his night up.
It's my fault.
