it was a seemingly normal sunday and jessie had let me have a day off from taking care of the rats. ahem sorry, i mean "children". it had been nearly a year since i saw bob, the feeling of his huge peepee is something i will never forget. i was staring down at my phone, contemplating making the call. maybe he had moved on and found another butler, who knows. but that didn't mean i was over him. suddenly, i heard a loud knock at my door. "what the fuck do you want?" i shouted in anger. this was supposed to be my day off. the door opened and it was jessie. god i hated that fat bitch. "mrs kipling found some bugs in the kitchen. you might want to call an exterminator." she sighed. my heart raced just hearing the word "exterminator". this was my sign, i needed to make the call.
bob's p.o.v
"bob come on, let's have another baby." amy whined. does this bitch seriously think i want another fucking kid? are you kidding me? pj was e-fucking-nough. i pushed her away. "god what's gotten into you?" she scoffed. she left the room, to where i picked up my cell phone. i couldn't stop thinking about him. for the past year, he was all that was on my mind. i didn't want to tell amy that i was gay, i still loved my kids but i hate that fat bitch that i'm supposed to call my wife. as i was sitting there, reminiscing, i got the call i have been waiting what seemed like a lifetime for.
"berty?" i whispered into the phone after picking up. "yes, it's me." he said making my eyes widen. i looked around the room, making sure no one was near. "it's been so long- what have you been up to?" i asked. "uh not much, we need an exterminator tho." he said. "oh right." i sighed, he had clearly moved on. "i can be there in a few hours i guess. i'll see you soon." i said before hanging up. i couldn't just say no, that i couldn't go to new york and exterminate, because i could. i started packing my bags before heading downstairs. "where are you going?" gabe asked me. "some stupid job shit." i sighed, leaving the house. "bye bald bitch." charlie waved, making a tear fall from my eye. her first words. i couldn't be more proud. i then left and got into my pink g wagon and started driving to new york.
bertram p.o.v
i was more than excited. bob was coming back to new york. i couldn't wait for him to fuck my ass harder than these kids fucked up my life.
later —
it was nearly 8pm, i was watching keeping up with the kardashians after forcing the kids to go to sleep. i was shoving handfuls of salt and vinegar chips down my throat because i hadn't eaten all day. i guess i was too busy thinking about bob's sweet ass, i couldn't even eat. suddenly, i heard the elevator door open. i turned around and saw him. bob (middle name) duncan. "bob!" i exclaimed. i stood up and chip crumbs fell off my stomach and onto the floor. "bobby you're here! i can't believe you're-." but i was cut off. "where's the bugs?" he asked, he wasn't even smiling, he wasn't even happy to see me. "in the kitchen." i stuttered. i followed him into the kitchen and showed him where the bugs were. "we exterminatin" i said putting my hand over my face. he giggled. "you always had a good sense of humour." he told me. "bob did you miss me?" i asked. "of course i did berty, i missed the way mayonnaise would drip down your chin when you'd eat mcdonald's, and the way your armpits smelled after vacuuming and i missed your-." but before he could finish, i cut him off by kissing him. "you're so thick baby uwu." i said. clearly i was the bottom. we ran to my room and instantly started fucking. it was beautiful. almost like a once in a lifetime experience, but this wasn't one in a lifetime, i wanted this, i wanted me and bob to be together for a lifetime.
the next morning, bob gave me his personal phone number. sucks that i'd have to call another exterminator bc bob didn't do shit but whatever. at least i got that juicy pp. a week went by, and i was having terrible stomach pains. oh fuck..... could it be?
bob's p.o.v
i got a text from bertram one night, a text i will never forget
berty 🍆😛: bob... i'm pregnant. you're the father.
bob: fuck- i'm gonna be a dad! fuck my other kids i only care about you baby uwu xd
me and berty ended up moving in together after i killed amy bc she was annoying lol we had to run from like the whole fbi but it's fine bc at least i have my berty 🙈😍
