Adore [H.S.]

68

"Will I ever get to know what happened?" She asks hesitantly. "I know you still don't trust me enough to tell me, but - I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

Her words hurt. I hated that she thought I didn't trust her. It wasn't that I didn't. I did trust her- I trusted her with my whole fucking life. It was the opening up part that was shitty.

"I trust you baby." I firmly tell her. There's no hesitation in my voice. She needed to know that I was done holding things back from her.

I think back to my conversation from earlier today. "Honesty will only grow your relationship. If you aren't honest with her, you will only drive her away," were the words that mum had spoken to me. It had hit me like a ton of bricks. Speaking louder than I had even realized it could. I was done running way. I was done thinking little of myself. I was done with my own stubbornness.

I give her a warm smile. My own subconscious giving me a pep talk. You can do it mate, it cheers.

"Everything that I did - it's in the past." I take a moment to collect myself. "First thing's first, I need you to know that you've helped me become a better man. I know it's hard to see it but you have. I know I messed up a few months ago, but I have no desire to be the little boy I was before I met you."

"I know." She says, smiling warmly at me.

"Good," I mumble. "Where do I start?" I laugh bitterly, not knowing where to even begin. I felt overwhelmed with the memories of all I went through... all that I did. There was so much that she needed to know. That I needed to share.

"Start with what happened after Sarah died?" She suggests quietly. I only nod in agreement. Yeah, I could start there.

"After Sarah died, I became a wreck. I was angry with everyone. I loved her more than I loved anything else but she was taken away from me. After her funeral, I got involved with the wrong crowd. I started hanging out with Mason more."

"How did you meet him?"

A bitter laugh escapes my lips, "He's Sarah's cousin."

"Ah," she sighs. "That explains why he lives in her house now."

"Yeah." I shake my head, "I still don't get that. Her parents hate him. Fucking disowned him after everything that went down. At least I thought they did." Memories of my shitty teenage years play in my mind. Regrets resurfacing as the picture plays away.

"When Mason and I started hanging out, he introduced me to Fraser and Tanner." I continued, "We got into a lot of bullshit that I regret doing. Fraser's brother was part of a huge underground drug ring in Liverpool. They had some pretty well known buyers - wealthy pricks who needed their drug fix every week. At first, they had us drive the drugs from Manchester to Liverpool. Transport the shit there and then bring back the money. After a while, they moved us from that to actual supplier and growers."

"How'd you manage that?"

"Remember that park I took you to?" She furrows her brows. Her eyes soon later widen in realization.

"The one near your grandparents place? Where you gave me the bracelet." Her fingers absentmindedly fiddle with the thin bracelet on her wrist.

"That's the one. Behind the swing set there's a forrest. I went in there one day and found this abandoned shack. Showed it to the guys and we turned it into marijuana grow up. I don't even know how it worked but we managed to do it. Long story short, we became well known amongst the drug ring as 'the guys with the good pot'." I roll my eyes at the memory. "Fucked up, I know, but it brought in a lot of money. Money that I needed."