It's scary
I don't know what goes through it nowadays
I suffer from my own actions
Actions that never should have happened
Actions that have put you through pain I never should have put you through
My mind is a scary place right now
I don't know imind
can keep up the charade of being OK anymore
I know I don't deserve someone as amazing as you
I know you shouldn't take back this useless piece of junk
That's what I feel like
My mind is trying not to think about the best part of my life...
Who knew the happiest things could make you the saddest
Don't read this and think it's your fault
Its not
I fucked up and did something that literally makes me feel like I'm in the depths of hell itself every single second
You never messed up
I did
And I've been crying every night if that means anything
I know how you're feeling, and I'm so terribly sorry...
Each word I read, each word I type is another stab in my chest
I can't believe that I did what I did... I fucked up the thing keeping me going
The worst part is that my entire world, my being, my other half is in so much pain and I can't do anything about it... Because I'm the dumbass that caused it
I try to keep it together in front of people
I feel devoid of all emotion
But alone, I feel helpless
I feel like I'll never be anything
I feel like nothing can numb this pain
I don't know if you can, but I can feel your pain that you're feeling at this very second
I'll always know
I'll feel it and it'll hurt me tenfold because I know I caused my one and only to hurt
I miss everything about you
Your smile, your laugh, your eyes...
I could lose myself in your eyes
I understand if you don't give me a second chance
I really want you to, but that's not my decision
No matter what you choose... Know that I love you
Know that any choice you make, I will respect it.
Know that I'm sorry
I know no amount of apologies will ever make up for what I did
But know that whatever choice you make, thank you for giving me the best of life
Thank you for giving me what no one else has or will
Don't take me back for what I'm about to say
I want you to be happy and to make the choice you feel is best for you
But nobody can make me feel the way you have made me feel
I can't even imagine a life without you
I miss you
I might spend the rest of my days alone
And torture myself... I guess that would be a fitting, just punishment
I can't think my mind hurts
I haven't slept in a long time
I guess I'm just trying to explain what's going on
In my mind
I'm sorry if it's too broken to understand
It just hurts knowing I said we shouldn't talk
I miss seeing you pop on my screen
I've gotta stop here or else I won't stop...
Maybe text me or something...
If you don't I understand
