About suicide, depression, & anxiety. just my personal opinion and feelings. there will be separated parts: How it effects me, my thoughts, how i cope, my breakdown's and feelings, random shit.
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I dont know how depression is for everyone for me. i get scared i don't have full control of my thoughts and emotions and a lot of the time i don't know how i feel i can sit there fine then just start crying and feeling empty inside but hurt and cry for hours not knowing why or what triggered it. Its scary not knowing. Its like living in the dark. I never know if im gonna make it. Some days i don't want to. It hurts so much i don't see the point in continuing. im scared. My depression is real and im scared of it and myself. If you were sitting in your room and heard a knock on the door you answer and no one is there you don't care, but it continues to happen over and over no answer. You get paranoid. No. Answers. Constant knocks. You get vulnerable and scared. Then it passes, you hear a knock and freak out! You go to the door and its a friend you tell them what happened they become scared and confused. Some will run and not return, some will not believe you, some will stay to see for themselves, and then the true ones will take your word and ask if they can do anything for you. But if you're anything like me its nice to know someone wants to help....but you already know you're going to push them away. You've dealt with it alone long enough and its your problem you wont let anyone in. Its your problem and only your's.
----------------------------------------------------------- Literally had a 4 hr breakdown before writing this.... :( Sorry about that heres the small bit on my depression. Let me know your thoughts love you guys.
