Misunderstandings | Namgi

Chapter 2

Yoongi POV

"Come on, it's been months, Yoongi. Let's take you out, huh? Let Tae and I spoil you today. You've been doing so well and you've graduated and even gotten yourself into a company." Hobi murmurs softly as the three of us lay in the just big enough bed.

It's morning time, about a month and a half since I graduated from college now.

"Why? I don't deserve it." I mutter quietly, snuggling myself up a bit more between the two taller boys and the blankets.

"Hyung, of course you do. You never let us do anything to celebrate the other month when you graduated and we wanna spoil you a bit. You've been so strong and you deserve it so much." Tae argues gently, kissing the back of my head from behind me. I sigh at this, wishing it were true.

"I've been fighting the both of you day and night since he left to let me drown myself in everything that I'm not supposed to ever go near again. I've fought both of you day and night to let me ruin my time of being sober and clean since he left. I don't deserve to be spoiled. I don't deserve either of you treating me the way you both do." I breathe out, closing my eyes as I nuzzle my head into Hobi a bit more.

"Yoongi, you know as well as we do that you're strong enough to push past the both of us and go back down that relapse route. You know as well as we do that you got more than enough chances every day and night to relapse behind our backs, chances to try and hide it from us. But you don't. You texted us to come over that very night, just to ensure that you wouldn't do something like that to yourself. You don't fight us when we ask you to strip to your boxers so that we can be certain that you've not done a thing to yourself. You don't fight us when we insist on keeping you in tee shirts no matter the weather. You let us check every night to make sure that you're staying strong before we go to bed, even if we have to help you through your breakdowns. What doesn't matter is that you're constantly fighting us to let you relapse, what matters is that you won't let yourself do it." Hobi coos softly, kissing the top of my head.

I whimper at this, snuggling into the both of them even more.

"Even if I did theoretically deserve to be spoiled, it wouldn't work out. I'm going into the music industry, becoming a rapper and producer. All of what I'd want wouldn't at all match the image that rappers are supposed to have. I wouldn't get taken seriously." I mumble defeatedly, wishing this world weren't so cruel and didn't judge so harshly.

"Who gives a fuck about an image though, hyung? It isn't about how you look, it's about the sounds and beats you put out. You know that." Tae argues soothingly. I sigh, rolling around to my cousin, watching as a small smile forms on his lips.

"It's not that simple, Tae. This whole damn world judges based off how you look. Rappers are supposed to look cold and dark, harsh. Quite frankly I just wanna go for a soft look. I don't wanna surround myself with looks and in looks that are only gonna remind me of the want to relapse. I want a soft look that's gonna comfort me, remind me that I don't have to be that person anymore. That I'm not that person anymore." I murmur quietly, laying my head on his arm when he lays it out in a somewhat offering position.

"Then why don't we do that, hmm? I'm sure your boss wouldn't mind. It would have a cool effect, a soft boy who can still show the world the real side of it when he raps. Besides, I'm sure your boss would understand completely if he knew your reasoning for it." Hobi says from behind me, rubbing his hand along my side gently. I hum softly at all of the affection that's being given, something that's still very really painful but very much needed all at once.

"I don't want them knowing about my past unless I tell them, and quite frankly I'm not exactly up to really letting anyone in on any of it after what happened." I whisper.

"So we don't tell them exactly what happened. Just tell them that the colors and style bring you to a bad place, and you need the softer side of things to help keep your sanity. They're gonna understand, hyung." Tae suggests gently, kissing my forehead.

I hum softly at this, shrugging lightly.

"Can we take you out and shopping then, Yoongi? What do you wanna get?" Hoseok asks lightly.

"I wanna dye my hair a light blue. And honestly, I just want soft sweaters and slightly oversized tee shirts." I respond, nuzzling my face into the fuzzy blanket as I tug it up a little higher. Tae smiles at me, warmness in his eyes.

"We should probably get you a couple blankets and some things for your studio at the company building while we're out as well. And yes, Yoongi, that means more fuzzy blankets for you, and more hot chocolates and teas."