Against The Storms

Chapter 1

                Against The Storms

                       Chapter 1

“Everything shattered! Love, respect everything; I just lost.” Thought all of it, while he was travelling back to his home. Recollected all the stuff he made fuss of. “I shouldn’t have gone there. I shouldn’t have.” He was nearly cursing himself just when a thought came by his mind. “But.. But! I didn’t have any way either. I had to do this. To meet her. To greet her on her birthday. Yes! This was the very day we used to plan about. The day we used to talk about. Yes! This had to be the day when I ask her for forgiveness for what I did to her.” Suddenly, his conscience took charge and scolded “But! You made fun of her in front of anyone. In front of her friends, local people and all those who were there at that time. You publicized her private life. You shouldn’t have done this. You ruined her day, her party and most importantly hurt her sentiments.” He replied to his conscience “ I.. ah.. I didn’t mean to do that. I just wanted to see her may be for the very last time. Just wanted to pay her  birthday regards. Just wanted to submit before her. Just ask for forgiveness.” There were many contradictions running through his mind, was confused in all his sorts. No idea he was having like what he’s going to do next. What he should do, do to apologize to her, to let her know that things just didn’t work  his way. To let her know, how much he loved her. His beats were at a rise and eyes were getting wet. He stopped the car and got out of it. Sat on a pavement nearby and yelled “Why God? Why? You kept us apart? Why you made her so iron hearted? Why didn’t my words moved her ? Why?” and in reply cold winds and deep warm sighs were all he got. Winds were acting so hard as they were refraining him from crying. It seemed like even nature was feeling his curse but couldn’t do anything about it. He switched back to his car and drove to the town. As he got by Walton’s square, he felt like totally broken. It was 9 in the pm and Manchester tends to get freezy by that time. “I … ugh.. I gotta take something warm.” He got out of the car and started walking with heavy steps. Heavy as if, every step was stopping him not to carry on. He went to a small stall enclosed in a cottage and bought some cigarettes. Lighted up one and took a deep puff. “Aaaah… come and kill me up Antonella.. yea.. that may be the end of it.” He was walking back to his car when someone shouted “Here is something, that may heal your wounds and may rejoice your happiness. The water of heaven mixed with some fermented grapes. Come gentlemen come! First shot from our side.” He had an awkward look at him and checked into his car and drove back to home. Parked his car, threw belongings in the porch and climbed up the stairs leading to his room where he lied on his bed and had a quick review of the day. “Why Life’s unfair to us sometimes. One day you deal with the best time your life and the next day you have to bear everything you hate to have.” He thought. “Sometimes, you feel like, you will get everything even that you never dreamt of and sometimes you feel like you are not getting actually what you actually eyed for.” He continued. Suddenly, he began to feel cold. He got up and closed the window pane and thought “Look at these cold mild winds. They are like me. Just like me. Wandering here and there. Wandering all around, just to find warmth so that they may relax a bit. Like me, I too am having no clue Antonella , where to go, what to do, to actually make you feel that I need the warmth of your arms, the comfort of your lap.” In instance, his mobile phone rung and what he saw was Tanura calling her. Tanura, the common friend he and Antonella used to have. “Hey! Helmsburg. How are you? How was your attempt today? How did it go?” she asked in jubilation as Helmsburg picked the call up. “Uhmmm.. Tanura.. I am broken..” nearly he’s in tears.. his voice was rattling as he was trying to answer her. “I went there, saw her.. with her friends.. she was happy. Very happy actually. She didn’t even notice me Tanura! She ignored me.” And he hung up the phone. Tanura then called him a lot afterwards but he didn’t reply. It wasn’t intentional actually. He was like not in his senses afterwards and then all we saw was he faded.
Next day, when he woke up, saw his phone. And said “Uhmm.. Tanura had to ask a lot about yesterday. I should apologize her for being rude.” And he lighted up the cigarette.  Put the shirt on, got fresh and got busy in daily chores. As the sun began to vanish out of sights, he felt her coming. He was feeling down again and drove to the place where the man was shouting yesterday. When he reached the destination, he was at the lowest of his potential and barely could walk to that place, a bar actually. Opened the door, and sat on a chair placed near counter. Nearly  Shouted in dim voice “ Hey! You ugly looking man! Yes you… come here.” As that man approached he continued  “Yesterday, you were saying that you have something that will heal my all wounds, the water of heaven.” The waiter nodded “yes yes! I’ll bring it. Wait wait .” “If that thing failed to satisfy my pain, I’ll cut your fucking throat.” He replied. Gradually, he saw a tall man in his 40s with wrinkles on his bright face ,came and placed a glass with something in it. “ Have it son! Either you are happy to relive the joyous moments or down enough to face someone even, this will patch everything up for you and if not, it will just let you feel the other way at least.” The old man said. “Uhm..” was what Helmsburg replied with. “Your Name Son?” the old man inquired. He replied in haste “No Name”. Old man asked “ Why are you here?”  He replied “ Leave it. Off topic!” The old man smiled and asked “ Your Job?” “Walking against the storms.” Helm (Antonella used to say that)  replied . Look Gentleman! We have a fuckin tough guy here!” he shouted in loud voice. And everyone was seen smiling at that time. “ So, tough guy, haven’t seen you here anytime. What’s special that took you to us.” Helm whispered angrily “Get the fuck out of here, you old pie.” In return of which he replied “  Evans! Austin Evans! They call me. My name actually. I own this bar.” “ You own this bar! Huh, what am I supposed to do with that information and that’s pathetic! Your water of heaven, fuckin pathetic!” saying all this he got up , kicked the chair he was sitting on and went back to his car. As he got geared up to move ahead, he thought of calling Tanura. Picked his phone up and dialed her number. “Hello! I am not talking to you! You haven’t told me what happened yesterday. And you weren’t answering my texts, calls. Do u have any idea how much I was worried.. What happened brother?” she asked. “ I… I.. uhmm..” and he was in tears saying all this. “ What happened? What did she say?” she inquired. “ I saw her.. in front of me.. happy without me.. with others.. I..” he answered. She asked “ Did you meet her in person?” He answered “ Yea, I met her in person.. I .. ugh.. I took her to a separate place so that no one could see us.. she was right in front of me.. I didn’t have any clue what to say.. what words should I choose to make her feel the pain I am going through.. to make her feel I am a changed person now.. to let her know life is nothing without her.. to let her know everything had become ruthless to me in near past. I.. I apologized her for what I have done. I even had my hands joined in front of her and I was asking for apology. She didn’t felt me this time Tanura. She.. ugh..” he skipped talking then for sometime. “She said I’ll not forgive you and started moving away from me.. I literally was running behind her.. with my hands joined and asking for pardon but she’d turned a deaf ear to all my words, my sentiments and my emotions. She wasn’t same Antonella. She was rather a bit manipulated one. She then went back to her friends. Sat on a chair and was thinking and talking about me.” I was outside the cafe watching her from the window pane. I didn’t lose hope there. I waited for her because I knew I was on fault but I knew she was my Antonella, the woman I loved, she can’t live without me. I kept on waiting for her there. Then my patience ran out, I went in there. Placed the gift, I’d bought for her birthday, on the table she was sitting and switched outside the cafe. I decided to leave her there and go away but my conscience didn’t let me do that. I kept on waiting for her outside the cafe... because I loved her and I had certain notions that she’ll come and listen to me. I kept on waiting for her for hours even when two of her friends came and said You have to leave her. Talk to her and get your ways parted. I kept myself hard on them and asked them to let her know that she’ll have to talk to me. But, you know what the hardest thing was, my words weren’t that effective this time. She was just passing the time. My sentiments weren’t moving her heart. I recollected the stuff I’d done wrong. Asked for apology. But she wasn’t the same Antonella, my Ant. She promised me to call me but she hadn’t call me as yet. I don’t know but she wasn’t good at breaking promises. She wasn’t like before.”
And, then the scenes could only see Helmsburg and Tanura crying. Gradually, the sobs faded away and only the leaves could rustle then.