Feel

Chapter 1~ Jungkook

Pain,darkness, and loss were the only things that fill my poor mind. Pills and alcohol were my savors, and all I could feel was darkness. Just like a wave that hits you. I sat up in my bed looking at the empty side. I gently placed my hand on the soft fabric that lined the cushion. "Why?" I asked myself. "Out of all the hurt and pain we both had went through,why him." 

He died last week from suicide. I could of stopped him, I could of helped him. Only if I had noticed, he always wore a smile. My happy piece of joy I took with me was gone. The person that made me want to live was gone.

I would ask myself, "If there is no one to live for why should I live? If there is no purpose, why am I here?" My brain was dead. Only a hour of sleep made me fatigued and scared to get up. My body was mentally in pain and I had no way out. I finally moved out of bed as a warm, thick tear rolled down my cheek. His hoodies still hung like he was just gone for a trip, but he wasn't. My love was going to be gone and would never come back.

My heart started pounding as my body decided to move. I felt sore from not moving very much for a week. I grabbed one of his hoodies and slipped it on. His sent was still left on it, I pulled up the hoodie to my face and stood there. I looked up and felt my eyes get blurry. "Stop!" I told myself trying to not cry from the pain I felt from not being able to feel him. His warm smile made you feel safe. The way he would comfort you made life so much safer. I continue to wonder what happened to his mind.

I start to remember his face in the casket. Cold, his face looked lifeless and unlike him. His warm cheeks were gone and his rising chest didn't rise anymore. I blame myself for his death. I could of stopped him and saved him. I could listen to his problems like he listened to mine.

He did leave me a note, but I never had the guts to open it. I was scared that I would ruin the ink of his great handwriting. My mind turns back to reality and I pulled the hoodie off and hung it up. As the air hit my body, my arms froze for a moment. I looked around and felt someone watching me. I turned my head back around and sighed. "It's just the pills." I mumbled to myself before opening the door.