Insanity
By Hermy Wubz
Editor's Note:
If somehow... against all odds... you managed to find this... "book..." and didn't instinctively turn away and decided it was a good idea to look into, then it is imperative you read further into this Editor's Note. This book was a little pet project of mine around the summer of 2015. I challenged myself to write a 40,000-word light novel, that really wasn't about anything. Obviously, I didn't reach that goal, I got to about 13,000 words, got bored, and gave up on it. This book is structured in the loosest sense of the word. Each chapter is either a meta-contextual think piece about a whole array of things, a short little story that sometimes is a parody of different genres, but most of the time is a wacky array of nonsense and surrealism. I really thought I was doing something funny with this. This was a weird faze in my life where I was delving into edgy, 4chan culture. And so, I thought by making a series of vulgar, slur-ridden, unrefined stories, I would be a comedic genius. Boy was I wrong. At the end of the day, this is just my viewpoint of something I made a few years ago. It's natural as a writer to be disgusted by it. Perhaps this is a comedic masterpiece of our time and I just refuse to admit it. It's not, but... thought I'd just say that. Read further at your own risk, but I can't guarantee you'll enjoy what you find.
Chapter 1:
Are you low life plebs ready for possibly the most backwards and meta book you have ever read. Now I can just show you the book and how weird it is, or I could just talk about it for ten thousand words because as we all know, telling is always better than showing. Hold on quick question, If I'm boarding a train and there are only dogs on the train, is it justified to ask "Who Let the dogs out?" No? Ok. Hold on, what was I talking about before this. Oh yeah, I was talking about lazy ways to write a book. Or was I? Eh, screw it. I'd rather talk about how much I hate MSNBC and their LIES. But no, this is a book about wacky shit and MSNBC isn't wacky enough to be in this book. But that also begs the question, does Fox and CNN lie too? I don't know and besides, why hate on them when we can just blame everything on Bill Clinton. Is there anything more republican than blaming every rape ever on Bill Clinton and Worshipping Ronald Reagan as the real Mosiah. Is that even how you spell it? I haven't been to church in years so how would I know. Oh yeah this is a book and you probably want to read some stories or whatever. Ok fine I'll give you a damn story to read while I watch some Alex Jones and think of how lonely I'll be in the next 20 years.
Chapter 2
James Jamison was your average dumb cunt. He would go around and flip off every baby he could find. Why babies? Because he's really pissed off babies can't use computers. On this day in particular, James decided he would fucking cap a baby right in the head. The only problem is he needed a gun. But where would James Jamison get a gun? Down at the locally Japanese gun store of course. (Get it, Japan has strict gun laws and now I gave them they're own gun store, yeah I think you get.) James drove down to the gun store in the Hummer he stole from Rush Limbal on Jan,. 2nd ,2007. When he walked in to the gun store he was greeted by the man at the counter. "Hello good sir." Said the man at the counter. " WTF is this shit!" James replied. James realized there was not a single Japanese Guy in the entire store. James would refuse to buy firearms from non Japanese people. James quickly pulled out his piece and pointed it at the counterman. "I WANT TO BUY GUNS FROM JAPANESE PEOPLE ONLY YOU HEAR!" James quickly realized he had just pulled a pistol out of his ass but he decided it would be cool as shit if he shot a baby with dual wield pistols. He kept pressuring the man at the counter until he called his boss. The bossman came out to see James pointing a high caliber pistol at his employee. "Stop this right now." Said the bossman . "Not until I'm able to buy weapons from a Japanese man!" James ordered. "While certainly I am the owner of this establishment and it is branded as a Japanese gun store, the truth is, I'M KOREAN!" The owner pulled a heavyweight minigun straight out of his ass and began unloading so many bullets in to James to the point where James almost looked like serviceable meat. James was dead, his dreams of popping a cap in a baby never came true. The police conducted an investigation on the death Of James Jamison. The Gun store owner got out scott free because he claimed self defense but was later arrested due to supplying a terrorist group with arms and explosives. All was happy ever after.
