Faultlines

A single Life

"I am sorry.", he breathed, "You are right. I failed you."

Harry visibly deflated, his hands opened and he set down again, raising his arms and hugging his middle. Tony couldn't remember the last time he had seen Harry so defeated. Maybe never.

"I loved Ginny. So much. I just... can't bare to remember sometimes. With you guys living in the UK, it was easier for me to pretend that life could just go on like before. But it can't. And I left you, when you needed me the most. I am sorry, Harry, truly, I am."

"I like to pretend, too, sometimes. When I am on a business trip, it's like... it's all back to normal. And I can come home and Ginny will be there. And then... then I remember she's not. So my trips got longer. I didn't even really notice it. Two months ago Johanna actually told me to get it together. My kids had already lost their Mum, they couldn't lose me now as well. She was right, of course."

Johanna, Tony thought frowning, oh yes. His brother's weird German assistant.

"Where are the kids now?", he asked quietly.

"On their way here. I flew over as soon as your house was attacked and I could find someone to look after the kids. Tried to find you. I called home, when I knew where you were. I left the kids at the Burrow. Sirius is bringing them over, so they can see you."

That only made Tony feel guiltier. Harry had come, of course he had.

"Look at us two.", he huffed, "We make quite the pair."

"We always have.", Harry laughed, angrily brushing off his tears.

"I wish I had never gotten involved in all of this. What am I doing with the Avengers? I don't belong there. I am not a soldier. I am not a fighter. And now I am pulling everything down with me."

"What did I do in the war against Voldemort?", Harry shrugged, "I was a kid. Or at least I was supposed to be. We don't choose our wars."

"Loki would never have gone to the tower without me. Ginny... Ginny would still be with us."

"You don't know that.", Harry disagreed, "I tried that approach, you know? It doesn't work. Maybe the Weasleys wouldn't have been involved in the war so much without me. Maybe Fred would still be alive. Maybe Ginny would be, too, if she had never married me. If we go that route, then where do we stop?"

Tony felt tears burning in his eyes now as well, he laughed angrily. "Stop making so much sense. I was trying to be self deprecating here."

"You are only allowed to do that as long as it doesn't mean you pull away from us.", Harry chastised, "I am not allowed to, either. So we better pull ourselves together."

There was a soft knock on the door.

"Come in.", Tony replied on instinct.

Sirius was first through. For a second there Tony thought he saw relief on the other man's face, but he must have been wrong about that, because when he looked now, he only saw the usual mildly annoyed expression he normally got.

"Oh good, you are awake."

That seemed to be enough for the excited kids behind him.

Sweet little Lily was actually first through the door and jumped up on the bed with such force that Tony was certain there had been some conscious magic involved.

"Careful.", her father warned, but Lily just put her arms around Tony's middle and put her head on his stomach, as if she never wanted to move again.

"Merry Christmas, little darling.", Tony told her and stroked her red hair. She mumbled something he couldn't hear through the blanket. Tony looked up. Alec looked really excited, but didn't dare to hug his injured uncle. Jimmy was watching him like a hawk, his back leaning against his father, who was soothingly stroking his back. Emmy was holding a huge bouquet of flowers and looked at him, as if she wanted to follow her little sister's lead and Teddy looked at him with a calculating gaze that was switching between Tony and his father. That boy noticed too much, Tony thought.

"Why are you having dangerous surgery now?", Jimmy asked him accusingly, "It's my birthday today. If you had died on my birthday, I would not have gone to your funeral."

"I am sorry, Jimmy. I was afraid of this surgery. I knew if I didn't do it now, I would never have the courage. And happy birthday.", Tony tried to smile at his nephew, but he was honestly scared. He was the cool uncle. Harry's kids were never angry at him. But now they had every reason to be. He didn't think he could deal with that now. Not them. He needed them to be okay. There was an awkward pause.

"That's okay.", Jimmy finally let him off the hook, "You didn't die anyway."

Sirius unceremoniously dumped a couple of bags on the foot end of Tony's bed.

"What's that?", Tony asked, frowning.

"The presents Santa left for us.", Alec informed him with excited eyes. Tony felt a terrible sense of foreboding. Oh no, he thought.

"We didn't wanna open them without you and Pepper and Dad.", Alec told him and Tony closed his eyes in horror. Tony had been presumed dead, Harry had come to look for him and that was how the kids had spend their first christmas without their Mum.

"I am sorry, guys. What a horrible Christmas."

"It was okay.", Emmy told him, as Teddy put another couple of bags on the bed, "We were with Grandma and Granddad. So we DID open the presents Santa left for us there.", she informed him, tickling Lily, who was was still simply lying flat on Tony's stomach.

The door opened again. Pepper was back. She was followed by a couple of people carrying trays. Tony was suddenly very thankful for his huge private room.

"Is that a Christmas tree?", he asked his girlfriend carefully, when someone tried to move something huge through the door.

"Obviously.", she told him and gave him a light kiss, "Come on, Lily. Time for Christmas."

Lily finally raised her head and smiled brightly at Pepper.