The Fields of Fire

Chapter 11: Alena Adana

She worked her broken fingernails into the seam of the envelope and tore it open without regard for the structural integrity of the letter inside. Unfortunately, the sheet of ivory colored paper seemed to have escaped any collateral damage. She pulled out the letter and unfolded it. Her head wanted nothing more than to turn away as she forced herself to read the truth she already knew. The milky gray light from the overcast sky shined through her windows and illuminated the page,

Adressed to Ms. Alena Adana, 298, Shedran Rd, Polifax County,

We regret to inform you that your Daughter, Vice Major 1st Class Tau Adana was killed in action by enemy forces on September 2nd 1162, After completing her objective, her aircraft was struck by anti aircraft fire and reported crashed half a kilometer north of the target. According to preliminary interviews with her fellow pilots, the crash site was then swarmed by enemy combatants and soon later her plane suffered a catastrophic explosion. No effort to eject before the crash was ever identified.

Due to her heroic actions, available to you is the Queen's Own Medal of Sacrifice, awarded to soldiers of her Grace's armies who showed remarkable bravery against the enemy even in the end. Please report to the Ministry of Valiance in Zytriad in order to receive this honor.

Weyt Pollin, Assistant Minister of Valiance

She wanted to scream. She didn't quite realize why she couldn't. It was as if her mind was frozen in time. Frozen at the thought that her daughter would never come home. What more was there for her to do? It was obvious enough, she'd failed. Failed as a mother. There were no doovers with this, you only get one shot and she blew it. Tau was never of the military mind, not when she was younger. Back then she wanted to be the first girl in Zytria to both Sing and Dance as a musical performer. She wanted to live on a stage and have cheering crowds throw flowers at her. To be a princess. Where did the dreams of that little girl go? Did they lose them? Were they simply forgotten when Alena and Parsov hurriedly packed everything they could fit into a tiny suitcase and ran out the door to their car? Did they not remember to take her dreams out of the trunk when they arrived at the farm all those years ago? Because after they took her from her home there was no singing and dancing, her love of life had just faded. Alena used to watch her daughter spending hours at a time staring through the window watching the planes go by, till one day her dreams of song and dance were replaced by the mere hope that she'd get to make like those planes and fly away one day. Alena guessed that she finally did.

Alena couldn't cry, because her mind was stuck on one horrible thought, Who's going to tell Arthus?

No one She accepted. It was the only logical thing to do. He didn't need to know that his sister was dead. He was out there, chasing his dreams, who needs to know something as cold and dark as the death of one's sister in a time like that?

She started crying finally. Gripping that letter, sitting on the couch of a house that wasn't a home. She didn't want any of this. Never. When she'd lie in Parsov's arms and talk about their dreams, Tau sleeping like a stone in the cradle next to them. She'd dream of them, her him and Tau, a family that was love. But where did those dreams go? All up in smoke. Snuffed out in a gas chamber, blown out of the sky by a bolt of lightning. She was the only bit of those dreams left. Back then the picture of her future was so clear, now without them in it, it was all a blur. She didn't even know if she saw herself in that picture anymore.

There was a gun out in the tool shed.

She should have used that gun a long fucking time ago. She should have taken that rifle right out of the shed the day those hateful bastards showed up to take her husband away, they should have fought. They should have ran for Atheria. She should have taken that gun and blasted a hole in the radiator of the truck that took her daughter away to that fucking Air Academy, all poison, All of it. And she should have blown that radio to pieces a thousand years before Arthus, her wonderful beautiful son, ever got the idea that he could be a hero. If she'd done that, if she'd used the gun, if she'd fought for her family, then they'd all still be here. Determination, that fire that burns up into your veins, it can drive a mother to run a million miles for her family, to lift a thousand pounds, to sacrifice everything, but time is something so long and so deep that even that determination can't reach deep enough to find hope. If if if if if, if she had a second chance, if she'd known, if she'd just took a stand. But there were no ifs in the past, only the certainty of time. What has passed has passed, holding all who've experienced it down into a prison called life.