September 11th, 2001

8:00 a.m.

September 11, 2001
8:00 a.m.
Noah Kane

        For my entire life, I have been scared to ride a plane. It's not for any real reason, except for the fact that planes are known to shake at random times, and I hate the knowledge that if something were to go wrong, that I would be doomed to fall. Ok, so maybe there is a reason. I'm afraid of heights. I found this out when I was ten and went to the top of the Empire State Building on my first trip to New York, and had a panic attack when I looked down. I hated that feeling, and when I am up in the air, I get that same feeling when I look out the window and see that I am level with the clouds.

       I haven't been on a plane once in about fifteen years, but when my company gave me a promotion, and they told me I had to relocate to Los Angeles, I could not afford to refuse. I had been working at a travel company, (I know, what was I thinking?) and I had missed the last couple of payments for my tiny, overpriced apartment, and I knew that if I said no to their offer, that I would most likely be either fired or evicted. I didn't feel like staying to find out.

       When I got my plane ticket, I told myself that I could deal with the fear if it meant I would be able to get a bigger apartment (maybe even a house, but unlikely) and be able to afford food. I just won't look out the window, I told myself, as I walked to my seat and sat down. I quickly closed the window and sighed. Someone sat down next to me, a small man with a mustache and what looked like a start of a beard. He looked nervous, and I wondered, vaguely, if it had been fifteen years for him, too.

       I reached for my bag, which I had slid under the seat so I didn't have to get up and walk around when we were in the air. I rummaged around inside it, and found my book, To Kill a Mockingbird. Then, I took out a small ziplock bag which had my earplugs inside it. I put them in my ears and tried to read, to get my mind off of the shaking of the plane as we took off, but trying to keep my eyes on the right word through all the motion made me nauseous. I had barely read a page when I gave up. I closed it and put it on the armrest, then focused on my earplugs.

       I decided that I would just try to rest my eyes, but then felt movement to my right. I opened them and saw that the man next to me had started to go to the front of the plane. Is that where the bathroom on a plane is? I wondered vaguely. I closed my eyes.

       Then everything happened at once.

       I heard the stewardess shouting, "You're not supposed to go back there!" and then I heard a door slam shut. I opened my eyes and saw the stewardess dialing something on the phone. She put the receiver to her mouth and said, "Would everyone please remain calm. We have everything under control. But I will ask you to please be seated and buckle in."

       Then, I had another panic attack. I couldn't breathe, but then was breathing too fast and all at once. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears as everything around me started to shake. The ground tilted forward and the belt cut into my neck. My ears popped, and I heard screaming as the plane tilted backward. Everything around me was shaking, and suitcases fell to the floor and popped open from the ceiling. I was thrown around in my seat, and it felt like the world was spinning. I gasped for air and took the breathing mask suspended over my seat down and put it on. I did my best to breathe, but kept thinking about what would happen if we crashed. It was about 8:45, and according to the flight plan, we should be over New York. An image popped into my mind from when I was ten. I saw the side of the Empire State Building and the road and sidewalk below. I screamed, and my head was thrown forward so hard I bit my tongue. We're going to crash. We're going to crash. We're going to crash. We're going to crash, I thought. My mouth tasted like blood. I felt a sharp pain in my chest. The inside of the plane started heating up.

       There was a loud crash and everyone flew forward out of their seats.