Know You All Over Again

Chapter 2

“My dear Korn. You know I love you like a son, but this is getting ridiculous!” Yiwah's voice is loud and almost shrill but at least she is finally catching my attention.

I look up to her and her face is a weird mixture of anger and... pity? I put my head to the side and blink at her. I am not sure what I did wrong, but apparently I must have offended the queen quiet badly. Otherwise I wouldn't get punished with this.. look?

“I just can't take it anymore!” She sighs dramatically and slumps back into her chair. We are currently at a restaurant, where Yiwah forced me to meet up with her for dinner. I really didn't want to go in the first place, as I rather stay to myself these days, but she insisted.

“I don't know what you mean.” My eyes are big and I honestly don't know what I did wrong.

“You are sitting here with me, the fabulous Yiwah, having a delicious dinner. But all you can do is look like a kicked puppy while pushing this really amazing stir fry from one side of your plate to the other. I just can't watch it anymore. You are spoiling my appetite.” I can feel the heat rising up to my cheeks when I blush.

“Sorry.” I mumble almost more to myself. It seems that apologising is my new favourite sport.

I put my head into my hands and another sigh is escaping my lips. “I guess I am not much fun to be around these days. Maybe we should just call it a night.” I am trying to find my purse in my pocket, but before I can even start, Yiwah puts her little hand onto mine. I look up and I see my best friend now looking at me with the deepest concern I have ever seen.

“Korn.” She says my name so gentle, it almost makes me crack and fall apart. But let's be honest. If I break now, there is no glue in the world that could put me back together....

“I know you are grieving.” Grieving? What an unusual choice of words, but it strangely fits.

“But it's been two months now. You need to start taking care of yourself again. You are not doing anyone any favours by punishing yourself like this. Knock wouldn't...” I can't stop the bitter laugh from escaping my throat.

“Knock? I could be dead for all he cares.” I can feel the tears dwelling up in my throat. But I refuse to cry. I will not cry. I have cried so much during the last two months. I just don't have any tears left...

But that's a lie. I know that I will cry again... I will cry when I lay in bed and not have his warm body next to me. I will cry when I wake up and not see his silly smile. I will cry about the most stupid things you can imagine... Just because he is not there to share them with me.  

He was my life. Before he was my love, he was my friend. And even though we didn't meet for a couple of years in our teens, it just feels like he has been such a huge part of my life, like forever. And not having him with me anymore is killing me. It's killing me everyday anew. I know, it's my fault. I am not stupid. I destroyed this relationship with my own stupidity.

Yes, Knock is no angel, he is messy, he is difficult and he can be so immature. But all this I can overlook. What I can't overlook are my own mistakes. Hiding him from my family, even forcing him to sleep somewhere else and fake a girlfriend. And then on top of all this messed up shit I cheated on him. With our boss. It's like the cherry on top of the cream and the sprinkles. And I can't just forget that.

I love Knock. I always have and I couldn't believe my luck when this amazing man decided that he loved me too. But I took my life and just destroyed it. I don't even know why. Maybe because I wanted to make everyone happy. Unfortunately it turns out I didn't make the person happy that counted the most: Knock...