You're What I Needed /Fillie

ONE WITH NATURE

I could have been one with nature as my small fragile body laid almost lifeless on the deep green grass.
The cold January breeze made me shiver as it hits against my soft tan skin and the only sounds my ears could catch was the rustling of the leaves as the wind blew through the hair of the tall trees, and my own slow breathing.
My hazel eyes stared blankly at the baby blue sky, decorated with white soft looking patches, in the corner of my eyes, I could see the yellow light slowly turning gold then orange.
Taking a deep breath and closing my eyelids seeing only darkness.
Why does this darkness easily resemble my life?
A small smile made its way onto my pale dry lips but fades when the approaching footsteps interrupted the peace.

"It is time for dinner." His whispery like voice stated.

My eyes open and the sky had changed to a darker shade and the white patches disappeared.
I slowly picked myself off the cold grass and looked up at my favourite cousin, Noah. He gently took my hand in his and walked towards the small l, one story house painted a faded peach colour with a dark brown roof.
My so-called home.

Noah turned the knob and pushed the wooden door open, a overwhelming aroma of freshly baked bread entered our nostrils.
My aunt Winona greeted us in the dining room where the wooden table, covered with a pale blue cloth dressed with plates and glasses by each chair and a large bowl of pasta and another bowl filled to the top with the warm rolls.
Noah and I took our respectable seats and waited to be served.

After dinner, I thanked Winona for the warm meal and placed my dishes into the sink.
Walking down the narrow hall, the wooden floor creaking under my feet, I entered the bathroom, shutting the door behind me.
I let out a shaky breath as I looked at my reflection seeing only failure and disappointment.

Why can't you be normal?
Who in their right mind would ever care about you?
It isn't to early to end it all.

My eyes burned with tears and I bit my bottom lip, trying to keep the tears from flowing.
My eyes moved away from the reflection and down to the sink, where a pink razor laid peacefully. Another shaky breath escaped my lips as I hesitantly picked it up and took out the shiny, sliver blade. It was twirled around in my fingers, then pressed against my wrist and...

Knock! Knock! Knock!
The abrupt sound made me jump backward, dropping the razor in process.

"Are you okay in there?" His care filled voice asked.
"Yes Noah." I mumbled.
"Are you sure? You were in there a while."
"I'm fine," I lied, "just taking a shower."
"Okay."

Listening as he walked away, I quickly picked up the blade and tossed it into the trash.
I peeled off my army green dress and stepped into the shower, allowing the warm water to wash over my body.
Is it possible to drown in the shower?
If so, then how?

I swallowed the purple pill and laid back onto the soft mattress, the clothing covering my body consisted of a red underwear and a white, large oversized T-shirt below my knee.
This shirt belong to my father.
My chest tightened at the thought of the man who contributed to my bad mental state, but even though even I should hate him, I can't.
I miss him.

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