It was the end of summer and the leaves of the trees were starting to fall down. I wasn't really sure what to do anymore, spending all summer watching TV made me want to go back to school. Late nights binge watching TV shows, without anyone to talk to. Don't get me wrong I had friends but I just didn't feel like talking to them, which made me more depressed.
I started to think my life was useless at one point, that I was a waste of air. It's not like I am doing anything good, I'm just wasting my time when I could be living my best life. I didn't feel so alone anymore though, I rescued a cat from the shelter. He made me feel more complete, like I had a purpose in life.
Anyways, school was about to start and I was stressing too much about it. Having anxiety is a struggle, specially when you have depression. It's like you feel like you are alone and no one loves you and the way to change that is by talking to people but you are too scared to do that so you are stuck in a vicious cycle of sadness. I was taking meds then though, hoping that would change something.
People think teenagers say they are depressed because they think it's cool or something but let me tell you if I could choose to not have depression I wouldn't have it. I think the day I accepted I had depression was on my sister's 18th birthday. I had been thinking about it and researching the symptoms to know for sure but I didn't really want to accept it. Well it was a Wednesday and I was with my sister on her birthday, she was alone and told me she wouldn't do anything for it so I thought 'hey you would have a fun time with me'. I felt happy because she chose me to spend her 18th birthday and that really meant a lot. Feeling really good we spent half an hour together when out of nowhere her friends showed up and gave her a cake and then took her for dinner. I was sad, I thought she preferred spending time with me. Later that night I started to think about how I spent my birthday, I spent it with her. Didn't really do anything. This made me sadder, I felt so alone you have no idea. The next days I didn't want to get out of bed, I felt so empty and I couldn't figure out why. One night I went to my parents room and cried, told them I had depression and that I needed professional help. They conformed me and told me everything was going to be OK.
Fast forward to the end of summer I was feeling better and had good expectations for the upcoming school year. Even though deep inside me I knew everything would stay the same.
