Dean woke up with a slight headache and his eyes were puffy. He was really fine, until he clicked his phone to check the time - 10:09 - he guessed Cas let him sleep a little later than usual.
Cas.
The dick.
If he had just rejected Dean and they lived in uncomfortable silence for 4 years, none of this would've happened, he'd still be his father's child. He'd still have a brother. Oh, poor Sam. He could imagine the conversation now.
"Sam, you're never going back to Dean's apartment again." Says John in his gruff voice.
"But... why daddy?" Asks Sam, wondering what his brother did that was so terrible, the encounter probably still fresh in his mind.
"... Because I said so. Now, go to bed." John says, dismissing him.
Dean was lying in bed when he heard the door quietly click open.
Cas.
Dean started to feel anger bubble up inside him.
"Dean, sweetie. You have to wake up." Cas' timid voice came from behind Dean as he was shaking him.
Dean mentally wrote his rant in seconds.
"Shut up."
"Wh-what?"
"Shut UP, Cas!"
"Dean, what's wrong with you?"
Dean shot up, with tears welling in his eyes.
"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, CAS! IF YOU HAD JUST REJECTED ME, WE COULD'VE JUST LIVED IN UNCOMFORTABLE DOMESTIC SILENCE FOR FOUR YEARS. BUT NO, YOU HAD TO GO FOR IT. I COULD'VE BEEN OKAY. I-I COULD'VE- I COULD'VE HAD- a- a father... a brother.. an actual family..." Dean caught himself as his tone softened and has tears rolled down his cheeks. He had a big lump in his throat and he shouted himself hoarse. He threw himself back down under the covers after catching a glimpse of the man before him, ghostly white, with a surprised look on his face and tears spilling out of his eyes. He put his pillow over his face and laid on his stomach. "Just... just get out..." He mumbled, but he already felt the vibrations meaning Castiel had fled. And he was instantly sorry.
Well, Dean had screwed up. He was just so angry, he couldn't have held it in any longer. Now he knew what he had to do. He had to apologize. He got up after a few minutes of lying in bed and mentally writing his speech. He looked in the mirror, smoothed his hair slightly, and went to go find Cas. He was feeling confident as he strode around the apartment. Then, Dean heard something... sobbing. He quickly followed the sound of it from down the hall through the bedroom into Cas' bathroom. There he saw a sight he'd never forget. There was Cas, a small bloody razor next to him, with millions of scars all over his arms. His head was folded into his knees and he was crying violently. Dean hurried over and pulled him into a tight embrace, forgetting all of his speech and just thinking of how much he had hurt Cas. He was kissing his forehead and just saying over and over "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry."
Cas had been startled by Dean and now he was crying even harder. After a bit of this, he said "D-Dean? Wh-y are you h-ere?"
"Listen, Cas, I'm just so fucking sorry. I was being so stupid and selfish and I was so mad but I didn't want to blame myself and I'm so sorry." Dean rambled. "But, Cas, why? Why did you have to do this to yourself?"
"I don't even know... I just... sort of hated myself. I failed you. I thought it was all my fault. I thought I was clean. I had only cut twice after the party, and that took so much restraint and- mmph!"
When Cas was going on Dean kissed him passionately
After Dean pulled away he said
"Never again... please."
"I promise." Whispered castiel. And he meant it.
