"Oh womeo," Mercutio started, "can you pwease not mawwy juwiet 0w0????" Romeo didn't even know what the fuck was going on. Who the fuck is womeo??? Hnnng I don't k know. "Mercutio pray tell, why?"
"Fiwst of aww I'm pun kin, pumpkin. Second of aww... tybawt wants to OwO youw ass and if he does i wiww witwraly smite him I swear to fucking god I'm a cat person (nya~) But that fucker has all the bad qualities. And he looks like a rat. Seriously wtf. Your gfs rlly pretty but this dude looks like he got clawed by a cat and they're related and-"
"Okay buddy stfu"
"'Buddy' what are you white?"
"I listen to vampire week-"
"Okay so you're white"
Romeo sighed "valid point but I'm still marrying Juliet"
"Hnnng alright but why tf can't I marry Benvolio????"
"Because gays have no rights, Mercutio. This is the 16th century or something."
"Wow that's gay..."
"If you don't like it,,,, then perhaps do something about it weenie"
"??????"
Romeo sighs, "alright————- the tea is that if you want to marry benvolio and get that sisters wussy then you gotta snatch the problem and make a solution."
"Ooooooh okay... any suggestions?"
"Uhmm how about one of you drinks like fake poison or what ever and then get buried and then the other digs up your grave and then you run away into the sunset???"
"Romeo... that's toxic and stupid,,,, what dumbass would even think of that??? Plus the clap of my dummy thicc ass would give it away!"
"Ig you're out of luck then"
"Hnnng I'll think of something."
———————-————————————————
Some days later I guess :))))
Benny worm, Mercutie yo, and bromeo were just walk-in the streets like the blood gang they are... then BOOM a crip!!!!1!!1! Nah jk it's just Tybalt haha pranked. Ok so Mat Mercer was like holy duck I guess I gotta fight Tuvalu now huh and Benvolio cumberbatch and wormeo were like "no,,,,, you rlly don't" but Mercury didn't hear them,., because the clap of his ass kept him from listening.
So Mercutio goes to tybalt the mouse and he's like "hey fuck you you fender from amazon lookin ass bitch (seriously though DONT BUY YOUR GUITARS ONLINE!!!! SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL MUSIC SHOPS!!!! THE ONE I BOUGHT ON LINE WAS ASSMEBLED VERY BADLY AND THE FIRST ONE I GOT GOT RAN OVER BY THE SHIPPING COMPANY!!!! BUY LOCAL YOU CUNT!! THANK YOU!)" Tybalt was offended. "I don't even know what a fender and amazon are but fuck you too weener!"
"I'm gonna fight you"
"Bet"
"What are you gonna to stab me?"
"F a t b e t"
"It's on then fuck face. Put your life on the feline"
Room and Benjerman Franklin sighed at Mercutio's (actually the author I wish I had big dick energy like Mercutio though) poorly executed pun.
And so these fuckers started fight
"Oh no 3:!!!!!" Romeo said! Romano cheese was scared that Mitsubishi Macchiato (sorry I mean Father of the bride) was gonna get hurt. So he was like hnnnnng I have an idea, BUT if you read Romeo and Juliet then you know that Romeo has an IQ of .3 and that's on a good day. So he runs in front of Mercutio. Which means that he can't fucking see so, as any character is a Shakespeare play does... he gets stabbed.
"Holy shit I stabbed Ronald McDonald it was just a pranck pls I stg don't tell mom!!!!"
Mickey Mouse was like "mmm tis But a scratch" and the. Becky gee was like "uhmm no it's not- I knew I shouldn't have let you watch Monty python holy fuck I'm getting you to a hospital."
But Mercutio wasn't naive. He knew how deep it was. He basically said all that shit he did in act III scene I But he said more that skate pear didn't want you to know about 0w0
"Benvolio, don't cry. And take care of Romeo, okay?"
Benvolio was on the urge of tears. He didn't want this. He didn't want Mercutio to leave him, and he didn't want to leave Mercutio. He needed to tell Mercutio something. If Benvolio didn't then he knew he'd regret it.
"Mercutio. I love you-"
"Hey," Romeo began, "You probably should take Moon Man to the infirmary or the vet or whatever. We all know that the Capuletes got rabies or something."
"Then why did you fuck Juliet???"
Romeo didn't respond.
Benvolio quickly took mmmmm to the doctor (doctor give me the newwwss I gotta bad case of lovin' youuuuuuuuu). When he knew they were alone, Mercutio took the ketchup packet out of his pocket. "Alright let's skidadle."
"Woah wtf???"
"Okay so basically wheat eater thanos and I were like hmmmmm 🤠🏳️🌈🤔 how do we save the kingdom from going into shambles and let me get your wussy???? So we made this plane that involved him 'killing' me so that I can be with you and hopefully end that feud or whatever. BUT PLOT TWIST the only thing that helped was me getting that woossy. Tybalts prolly dead."
And he was
"Okay that's cool fuck me" screamed Benvolio
And thus, Mercutio got that benvoliussy
