I'll Settle for You

LYRIC ~ I Wish I Wasn't

My day went by without incident. I had two classes after work and I had to go to the grocery store. I was running late, so I stopped at Boston Market to get dinner. It was almost nine when I got home that night, and the house was silent. I worked two jobs and went to school full time, but somehow I always seemed to beat Ray home. I tried not to let my imagination run wild. I needed to stop being so insecure. Ray said he was going to do right by me and I needed to trust him. I finished my homework, ate, took a shower, and I still hadn’t heard from my man.

When ten thirty rolled around and he still wasn’t home, I called him to see where he was. Of course I didn’t get an answer. The phone started ringing almost as soon as I hung up, so I figured it was him calling back. “Hey twin.” My brother’s voice came through the receiver. “How’s my little sis doing?”

“Hey twin.” He wasn’t exactly the man I was waiting to hear from, but I was happy he’d called. “And don’t start with that little sis stuff! You’re only five minutes older than me.” I laughed. Legend and I were extremely close, which is to be expected with twins, and we’d been that way all our lives.

“Whether five minutes or five year, older is older!” He laughed. “Where you sleep? I know you’re a busy woman.”

“I’m never too busy to talk to you, twin. How are things over there?” Legend was a Marine and was currently stationed in the Australian capital of Canberra. He’d been in the corps for four years and so far he hadn’t decided if he’d stay in or go to college once his tour was over in a few months.

“It is what it is, but I’m so ready to come home and see you and mom.” He replied. “How are things over there? Mom told me you were shacking up now.”

Here we go, I thought. “First of all, I don’t like you and mom discussing my relationship, and secondly, I’m not shacking up. He just needed a place to stay until he got back on his feet.” I said defensively.

“And then what? He’s going to play with your head in case he needs you to help him with something else. You know he’s no good, and for the life of me, I don’t see why you deal with that.”

“Look Legend, I really don’t want to do this right now. Can’t we just catch up and have a nice conversation?” I sighed. I was already worrying about Ray enough without hearing how big of a fool I was being.

“Okay, how is school?” He asked.

“It’s a breeze. Can’t wait for it to be over.” I was going to school at the University of Texas at Arlington, and I’d be graduating in six months.

“How is Renee’?”

“Same old Nee.” I laughed. Legend had a little crush on Renee’ when we were younger, but she never took him seriously. He was a bit of a player in high school, but how could he not be. He was handsome; light skin with hazel eyes and pretty hair. No matter what ethnicity, all girls love those things. To top it all off, he was smart and athletic. Not only did their daughters like him, most parents did too.

“Tell her I asked about her.” He said after a moment. I assured him I would. We talked for another fifteen minutes before he had to go. “I’ll call you Sunday so you can tell me about your performance. Love you, twin.”

“Love you too, twin. Be careful.”

“Always.”

I tried Ray again before putting my phone on the charger. Where are you, Ray? Why did I keep doing this to myself? If I couldn’t trust the man, I didn’t need to be with him. It was that simple. Only it wasn’t that simple. He was like my drug and I just couldn’t shake the habit. I thought of that song I Wish I Wasn’t by Heather Headley.