pretzel

butthead

i was hiding from the monsters in the bathroom. i couldn't stand the sound they made, it was deafening.  their attire was blinding. these monsters were also known as teens at a party. i sat in the bathtub, reading, with  music loud enough to block out the garbage playing downstairs. my dumb jock brother just HAD to throw a party to impress JeSsIcA, the dumb fashion guru with hair for brains. my parents were out of town and the only reason i keep my mouth shut is because of the 100$ gift card i was promised. i locked the door so no one would barge in drunk wanting to throw up, i did not need that!! well at least i thought that i'd locked the door because just when stuff was getting real good in my imagination. some random douche just barged in and slammed the door, and of course he locked it. i widened my eyes out of shock. then i yelled "what the fudge man!! get out! there are like two other bathrooms!" he simply shrugged which made me even madder. the angrier i got, the more he laughed.

after glaring at him for at least ten minutes, he 'apologized', you know that sarcastic 'i'm sooooory' apology. i did not forgive him and decided that he wasn't worth my time and he was obviously drunk so i ignored him and continued my reading. then out of no where he yells 

"i'm sorry pumpkin i didn't mean to, please forgive me*belches* you're so pretty and i love youu"

"well first of all...pumpkin?"

"yes. you're so hot and sexy and i want to smooch you. like right now"

"second of all... GET THE FUDGE OUT RIGHT NOW BEFORE I YELL HARASSMENT!!"

then he just sat down on the bath mat and fell asleep, i ignored him and continued my reading. the party died out around 3 am. but i didn't sleep and butthead was still asleep. i then put his hand in a bowl of warm water, why? because. 

i got out of the bathroom, got dressed and decided to forget that horrible encounter. then i went to a small coffee shop to meet my 'friends' for book club. i'm just gonna clarify that my 'friends' were some old ladies who i happen to like very much and one single mom called Shannon who's been trying to bring her son Alex for quite a while now.  so after half an hour, some guy barges in and yells "i'm gonna kill heeeeer". CLICHE MUCH. it was butthead...