not another one, it's different.

Letter To Me.

The duality and the many sides we show to the people around us is a magnitude that no one can understand except ourselves of course and then we have our shadows that we wish not to live behind because it's a understatement of how controlling that shadow is and then when the light comes it's a feeling we wish we wouldn't have the ability to feel. Others may welcome that new exhilarating feeling but others like you and me we feel intimidated and confused about that feeling. It's a mess and a piece of artwork we all create whilst living our lives even though they may not be the best examples of lives . Sadly I'm in a position of being afraid of the near future with every thought I have in my head and I'm digging a infinite hole of regret but hey. Why not ?

So here's to Chapter One and many more to come,

I would like to firstly say how proud I am of myself in this current date and time because I've been through shit and been through good shit but the point is that I've taken it on board and let my worries go well most of them at least and I've learnt to be unphased by minor people with minor minds.
Adding on to my little introduction I will let you peep into parts of my life and how they've effected me mentally and physically. If you feel uncomfortable with what I proceed to share then please click off. I'm just here to give people an insight of how I've lived and I want to live from now on.

Many parts of this story will be influenced by my experiences in my 14 years of living on this world called earth and maybe for the first in forever I will feel breathless by my own interpretation of others lives. Right now there's only two people who will maybe ever read this but know that I'm allowing you to know more about me through a story book way and I hope that makes you feel closer to me ❤️. Love you too no homo.

Anyways let's move onto the thing you came here for in the first place, my story.
Not a biography but a little story made by me, for me and whoever's reading this really. I'm a bit of a mess but I would like to think I'm a gradual mess that forms a piece of art one day.

The Character Based On Me Made By Me

My Persona: The Real Me

She will be known as The Rain, calming and easy to the ears yet painful and pretty to the eyes. She's one of a kind. The other side of me.

The Rain Speaks.

Most of my struggles stem from my time alone and my times where I was left alone to think I'm not enough and that I will never grow to be like her or him and yet I'm still here today somehow and that in itself is a massive blessing because I've learnt how to deal with myself. Not quite up to the standard of living myself and I'm sure not any old person is but if you are you're doing great sweetie. Time has lost itself in my universe and I find that I never consider how long I'll be here because death is inevitable for anyone but it's just how we choose to live that is the most important and how we choose to make our own story out here in the confines of the UK, unpredictable as most may say. Definitely a era right now where I regret little things such as why didn't I tell her this or why did I tell her this and the answer is because I trusted him and her enough to share parts of myself that I wish no one knew, even myself. There's nothing I should be regretting in these moments I have as it won't matter in a couple years because hopefully I'll be at college or university studying and having fun with friends and doing stuff I never thought I would do. It sure is a time to be alive. Even the sun I find fascinating , the clouds too how they move steady yet disappear with the night sky to reveal the stars. All in a day. So if I could be ruined in a day or many days I'm just like the cycle that runs the earth, once I've orbited for so long around the same issue it becomes easy to let go but I'm not at that stage yet. Orbiting is my only hope I have so I don't get sucked into a black hole because at that point I may as well be a red giant of a star. Funny how I mentioned stars earlier in the night sky but it must be hard in space when you explode and no sound travels any where so no one can hear your cry for help before you ultimately erupt. Just like a silent wound or when you know you can no longer breathe so you take your last breaths hoping you've done enough to make yourself at ease with going and never coming back. That went dark but that's where my mind went and it visits it from time to time, death is a subject not many people want to discuss which is understandable but everyone thinks about it and how they'll die or wish to die. Even more morbid but I shall enlighten this by saying once the rain stops a rainbow appears so imagine all the stupid shit in your life there will still manage to be some form of positive energy out there, the universe has to make it fair for you somehow. Nothing is ever perfect from the get go, they add on and improve and build their base to form that bulletproof barrier they have, it's a sign to wait for your turn and that yes time will never wait for you but your heart will.
Never mind crying figure out how those tears will be repurposed for something else and how those memories you've shared with those people have helped better you and inspire you with new things. You've heard all this shit before I'm just trying to let you know you're worth every single bit of effort you put in because the end result will be your happiness. As most people say keep your friends close your enemies closer but keep your dignity closer and learn to love yourself and see yourself in a new light where you don't the need the satisfaction of others to satisfy yourself. You matter you matter the most but never ever push others away to garner their sympathy, that's bullshit that needs to be tucked away with the 30 IQ quotes made by 30 IQ people.

This is a sort of lesson and reflection on what I've done and what I should do in the future but skip if you want to it's more like a letter to myself that I'll read when I've fucked up.