Letters From Freya

The Beginning of The End

My Dear Friends,

     It is my deepest regret to inform you that I have been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. The doctors here tell me that I have only a few months to live and that I should inform my loved ones. So I guess this is my way of informing you all, I decided  to write this letter. Typing  this in a text seemed to be mediocre and calling you all takes a lot of breath which I do not have. I've met so many people while being confined to the hospital  all incredibly great. I know that some of you have never met each other and others have known each other for as long as I've been alive. Having Kian call you all together seemed appropriate, to allow you all to read this letter to hold something that I've touched in each of your hands. I will write a section within this letter to each of  you it is up to you if you want the others to read them. If my big brother did his job correctly you all should be at our family's lake house, and I hope that it isn't awkward for any of you. I want all of you to know that I am extremely grateful for everything that each and every one of you have taught me, the memories I share with all of you will forever be my most cherished moments. Please, respect one another, let the emotions and memories wash over you as I have allowed them to do to me. Remember I love you  and I am so very grateful  for the love that you have all given me.

Kian,

     Big brother, my protector, the person who always fights for me, you can't protect me from this and I am so sorry that you can't. Kian you have to know that none of us could have seen this coming and because I know you, this is not in any way your fault. I love you big brother please don't  do your usual thing and try save me, I've made peace with my decision, and it is my decision. I know that I'm asking a lot of you but the truth is, there is no one else, it's just you and I am so sorry for that. You've had to grow up so fast to raise me and you did such an amazing job. The truth is, I wish I was half the person that you are. You're so very lucky, not because you had to grow up fast or because you've made different sacrifices than your friends but because you have love. Amira truly loves you, she would lay down her life if it meant you would survive. You married her I know that you are very aware at how lucky you are but you have to remember that she is the sun to your moon, she is the reason you shine so brightly, so please for me continue to shine your light. I love you Big Brother, you've never once given up on me and I'm so sorry to be leaving you but remember the good parts of me and don't ever forget I love you more than the stars in the sky and you will always be my home. Trust yourself  Kian and allow yourself to love. I love you big brother, stay faithful to Amira and please never forget that I love you.

Love always, your baby sister, Freya.

Vincent,

     My adoring, sweet, loyal Vincent. You're laying in an uncomfortable hospital chair as I write this letter, you haven't once left my side. I love you Vince, more than I have words to express and more than emotions could ever clarify. When we met, I couldn't stand you, a journalism major who hated writing, but as we carried on I watched you in class, and I realized you didn't hate writing, you hated writing what people wanted to hear. You have always been the type to tell people what they need to hear, and when the doctor told us I was sick you looked me in the eyes, grabbed my face and said "I will not let you die alone." You haven't left me alone since and I could never complain. Even if I wanted to complain, I couldn't' because I am so lucky to have love in this life when so many don't. Vincent I didn't love you at first sight, hell I didn't even love you after our first date. I fell in love with you when you told me that you could never love someone as selfish as me. Weird I know, but I realized I didn't want some guy who would tell me what I wanted to hear, I wanted a guy who would tell me what I needed to hear even when I didn't want to hear it. Vince please look out for Kiara, Ayla and Faye, they'll be okay they have more memories with me, they got more time. But you and Kiara, you're going to need one another at least at first. I love you Vince more than I've ever loved another man, and I really  wanted to do all the big steps with you Vince, God I really did. You truly are the love of my life Vincent Cain and I am so grateful for everything we did together. The memories I share with you are my most cherished. I will continue to love you even after I'm gone. Take care of yourself Vincent, be brave, fall in love and make me proud. I loved you so much, now you have to love yourself for the both us.