"Its a cruel world, huh" He looks at me.
"The one and only place that we call home." The one I wanna leave behind me....
(This story includes some triggers, depression, suicide, murder. I dont mean to offend anyone, and if this triggers you, I am tr...
Slowly crushing my heart, flowing my brain with thoughts that tell me to do deadly things. The thought swarm around, They cause an echo, due to the loneliness.
People call it depression, sadness, there are many words for it, but barely any to describe it.
It pains your throat, choking on your tears, as your heart stings as if a knife goes through. Thoughts seeping in the cracks of your conscious, telling you to die, that you're worthless. That you're nothing.
Now Imagine this everyday. Every second you breath, you wake up. You can't stop the process, because it can stop you, so easily.
I am Y/n, I am 17, I am a senior. I live with my grandma, because she is the only family I have left.
My story begins at 10 years old, my mother was an alcoholic, as well as my father.
My father would beat her in the kitchen, everyday, as I would eat my breakfast under the staircase, hiding myself from them.
Most of the time, he would see me. I remember him pulling me by my hair, dragging me next to my mother, beating me harder than he had hit my mom.
Usually, he would storm out of the house to go to the bar. So my mother decides to drink too, and one bottle in, she begins to punch my face, puts cigarette burns all over my body, cut my body with the glass shards all over the floor. Screaming,
"You mean nothing."
"This is all your fault."
"You are worthless."
"I should have killed you when you were born."
Now Imagine this everyday, for 5 years. straight. The day I turned 15 , my own birthday, my dad finished beating my mom, like usual, but the twist was, that he pulled out a gun, and aimed at her heart, suddenly, I hear the gunshot. I reopen my eyes, seeing her lifeless body, right in front of my feet. It wasn't her fault, It was mine, I should have done something. I look up to see his gruesome look on his face, as he points it at my head, I didn't care, I was hoping he would shoot, but the police came bursting through my door. I flinched from the sound it had made and dropped down to the floor, trembling of fear. They take away my dad, as the words of my mother repeat in my head. Over and over. Never stopping. They took me to my grand mothers house in new jersey, to start fresh.
My dad got a life sentence, but a part of me is still telling me he will come back.
I have been homeschooled right until I was seventeen, my grandmother insists I should go to public school. Although she knows Im not social, she went with it instead.
| Last day of summer |
Abuela returns from the school shopping, getting a bag, stationary, clothes, everything I will need to go. It was night time. I lay in bed, running my hands over the scars and burns that my parents put on me, wondering if the same thing will happen to me tomorrow. I was scared of people, if they will do the same. My eyes start to water, knowing I have no shoulder to cry on, no one to pour out my feelings to, no one to hold me and tell me everything will get better. Because it wont. I was no use to anyone. I guess my mother was right. Her words were accurate to me. I am nothing. I dont deserve a life to live.
"Mi amor, time to sleep, goodnight , i love you." My grandma walks out, closing the door behind her. I know she didn't mean the words that came out of her mouth. No one does.
Sooner or later, as the hours pass by, my eyes flow a river of tears, dampening my pillow, I continue looking at my ceiling. Wondering what stuff will I see. What will happen. I was expecting the worst, because I dont deserve good things. I drift off to sleep, knowing I will get a glimpse of what happened when I was ten. It always happens.
| First day of school|
I wake up, dreading that I did. I didn't want to move, my bed is where I am most comfortable, but abuela will get mad, so I didn't have a choice. I get up from my bed, and wash my face, and brush my face. When the cold water touches my face, I remember the cold water my dad would pour on my face, to wash away the blood, throwing the glass on me too.
"STOP!" I stay up, breathing heavily, as my eyes water. I could feel my chest being pressured. Making it so hard to breath. I took a couple of seconds, to identify my surroundings. In result, none of them were around me, no one was around. I get up, slowly walking to my closet. I put on a shirt, a jean jacket, black bottoms, and sandals, I had no one to impress, so why fuckin bother.
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(The outfit.)
I put my hair up in a messy bun and pick up my bag. I know she got a bag that I would like, and she did. It was a soft leather backpack. It was my style, It matches me. I take out the 6 notebooks out of the Walmart plastic bag, and put them inside my bag. Along with all the stationary that was in there. I get up, going to my desk drawer to grab my pills, it was a pill similar to xanax, to help me, cope. I put it in the front pocket of my bag and head out of the room.
"Morning, Y/n. Here is your car keys, your morning medicine and money for food, hope you like the wallet.." She hands me my keys, a tissue with medicine inside and money, also a new wallet. I put the keys on the counter to take my medicine. I pour water into a glass, putting the pills in my mouth and chugging the water straight after. I hold the wallet, examining it, and it was cool as fuck. It was a black leather wallet, with a red and white snake, and on the back of the wallet was a rose. I like it.
I put the 30 dollars in the wallet and wave goodbye. I get my keys and head out the door, closing it behind me. I look on my left, seeing all the neighbors kids getting into their cars, I look to my right, expecting to see the house next to us to be empty, but I saw two boys, get out of the house and into a black BMW car. I caught a glimpse of their faces, and they were really attractive. I lost the thought of them, knowing I had no chance with them, so I continue to walk to my white jeep wrangler. I hop into the car, and begin to drive.
"Playing Lust by Saint JHN" Siri suddenly says, I was startled by the voice, due to it was loud, I forgot to disconnect my phone from bluetooth. This song was, actually my all-time favorite song. I start to sing to it, as I light a cigarette, smoking was a calming thing to me. I turn up the volume, singing to the song. I roll down the windows, to release some of the smoke out of the car, only to find the same car I saw right next to me in the lane. I feel their eyes, looking at me. I didn't budge because I am focusing on the moment, I never felt so happy like this, feeling the wind get into the car. The song hyping up my mood, the cigarette calming my nerves.
BEEP BEEP!
I look around to find out who was honking at me, it was the two boys in the black car. I get of embarrassed, fuck, I know they saw me. I look at them, I see them smirking, one of them, the one who was driving, seems to wink. I got scared, I close my windows, and speed off.
"Destination should be on your right." I hear the sound come from the gps. I suddenly felt so nervous. My hear was racing. I started to find a parking spot, closest to the entrance so I can go home as fast as I could. I notice the same car, the black car, parked here as well. Oh shit. I find one right infront of the door, I park. I spray perfume just to hide the smell of cigarettes from my body. I spray around, as I can smell the mango from the perfume. I got to fucking say, this perfume smelt so fucking delicious. I pop some gum into my mouth and get out of my car.
