Almost

Dear Crush,

You are the man I can never have, and yet the only one I want.

I try my best to memorize your every feature. The few times that I see you, I want to paint you in my mind. I have no photos of you. Shamelessly, I must admit I searched for you on every possible social media platform. I couldn't find you anywhere. You are like the gentle spring breeze that flies by occasionally, only to leave a desperate wanting of more.

The first time I saw you ignited a turmoil in my body. We were at an event for work. My heart raced, pounding wildly like an untamed animal. I began to stutter on every word, my thought process a mirage of anxious attempts to speak to you. I was never actually able to. Nearly a year passed and we only played hide and seek with one another. You would occasionally come into my office for work-related purposes, and I would wander the halls until I "bumped" into you. You would look back at me, your eyes holding me captive until we walked away.

Until I heard the words, "He's fallen deeply in love with someone." I was too late.

The tears that trickled down my cheek were unintentional. I tried to plaster a smile and pretend it was no big deal. As I walked back to my desk, my tears trailed down my neck. Something shattered deep inside me, crushing every fantasy my insane mind had ever created.

I can never blame you for breaking my heart because you never accepted it. I will never tell you, that I had imagined our perfect date. It would be you and I laying under the stars. The night would be silent minus our laughter and whispers. Our fingers would intertwine over the green grass and I would finally know what it felt like to be held by you. It would be breezy, but your hand would offer me warmth. We would gaze at the stars, and I would tell you about the North Star. A star that remains in a constant position, it often offers guidance to the lost. My love for you is as constant as the North Star, I would tell you. It will always be.

We would talk until the stars disappeared and the sun appeared in the horizon. I'd rest my head on your chest, our heartbeats beating in rhythm. We would watch the sunrise, signifying the new dawn of our relationship. We would be away from everyone. It would be our very own world, where I would breathe because you exist.

My love story has a tragic ending of almost.

I almost approached you in the halls.

I almost started a conversation with you.

I almost told you how I felt.

I almost had my perfect date.

If only, I ever told you. Would it be any different?