Tilt head n take a deep breath the flick finger giving shape to the voide " shall we start for the begining of my memories then " and a bunch of kids apear me included in kindergarder seemingly leisorly enjoying themselfs while drawing or beeng in a small plaground or walking out in a field full of yellow flowers underneath le bright warm sun , just enought to fell comfortable , a preaty view indeed one to warm once heart ' a ghost of a smile painted on my lips but even as a ghost gives off a vibe of 'real' .
" and like that what seems to be 2 years passed in the curent me that may be called a tiny bright part in the void world or was i to use a 0-1 term if in the memory line everything is realy close to black this one would have been close to white . Shall try to be as acurate as possible here keeping on
Moves hand in middle air as if pressing fast forword and picture flick to the end of those days probably in the summer or september before first of elementary
So if i am not mistaken in timing theres a memory in there that for some reason stuck me not wanting to go to school n papa forcing me no its not as simple as it seems but - flick fingers n pic turns onse more as we both apear in my room , contradicted to what one may consider normal about that memory in our case the room in dark n blood is driping as a realy loud noise that could turn anyone insane if they heard it for too long is audible . Peculiarly enough the noise is neither loud nor soft more like someone could say its liud in the begining while another ine could call it barely audible but for sure both of then would be driven close to insanity if anything where they to hear it for too long " now what happened here , u see a memory and ita feelings as they seem to be writen jn my mind but its clearly overly voilent and dosent fit a childs memory or a memory of smth that simple , still other things may have been involved and memory itself may have been twisted as time passed tho for sure thats how it is rn . If i were to try explain i would have said smth like here the begining of madness or maybe i am unconsiusly hating n acusing those monsters ( parents) for sending me in that place where i got brutaly murdered . Are my words extream are they not well since we r in the world of memories and feelings they represent my curent feeling conected to that memory . Seems as if i explained a lot about a single memory but u see had to so afterwords wont need to elaborate this much
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Flick fingers again as that ever so calm body of mine seem to start shivering foring my to clench my teeth tight together as a low growl like sound escape my throat and pic change onse more " this is difficult needs so muhch consentration " eventualy the blure atabilize in the begining of my school days in a few events . Gray field but not exactly gray it looks gray tho if one were to stand in there n start wondering around would see pieces of extream light n pieves of extream darkness . Nevertheless the whole pic is gray in it one could see me in le ( proaulio dipla stis brises ) sitting down almost in a huging leg possition " and freeze this seems to be extreamly important now that i think of it again with a clear mind it probably is i ll elaborate this one slowly sooooo u see a kid crying and other kids gathering around seem to be caring . Seem to be givimg the crying kid attention . Then the crying kid looks up around smiling laughing . This they interprended it horribly how can i explain sinse my memory is so blure even tho this is important ... how do people react to attention whores the bad kind of reaction eh this . So u see in the pic a cry baby that seems to be desperetly wanting and needing attention , this is smth i just thought of rn in my memory its simply a kid that curl cry and when other kids come the crying kid looks up n laugh ( the kind of laught that can be interprented in a bad way ) for what my memories telling me this insident happens a few times and is one of the reasons i became an outcast
Hish as right hand moves acrosh my face litteraly cutting on my skin tl it bleeds withb those sharp nails of mine for le forhead down to chin as other hands fingers flick n the left side wall of the achool is now visible with a crying kid that strungle to not cry anymore " this ... this .... THIIISSS..... is one of the worst things i did to myself ...... " say shaking as pinch black oozing corosive teard dropps of my eyes down to the void - i ... i ... forced myself to stop crying ... this follows me tl now n its painfull i cant cry n i cant scream its like a blocked pipe AND IT hurts far more that u can ever even imagine it realy really hurts lile like - flick fingers again n space change in an abnormal form , presure lvl sarpas the uper limit and oxijen disapears getting replased by a dark oozing liquide that hungrily rash to once lugages ( pneumonia) as if desiring to saphocate anyone in it . No its simply there and doing nithing but the person in it feels as if it trying to sophocate them . Then a million blades seem to cut on ur very soul so thin almost imvisible but enought to creat a hurican of emotions in that cant not be let out how could they when ur throat is burned and u r unable to cry . Flick fingers again going back jn the last pic " excuse me ... ended up showing u smth like that out of no where but this is one of the bigest mistakes i made in my life .... If u still dont get it well forcing myself to stop crying combined with the circumstanses on my home means forxing myself to hide my emotions . If u still dont get why this is bad sinse people do it at times in their life then its simply cause
