The Thoughts That Occur

Chapter One:

I just stared down on a piece of paper within the sea of half written and half empty that are just waiting to be marked with my imagination. I have so many ideas, thoughts, emotions, references, vivid dreams, memories, and etc to express in this book. At the moment it would so random to the eye, but within the depth it tells a story to represent someone.
Yet, I still haven't wrote most of the things down. There were two reasons due to the situations. One is that I want to make sure that I am able to retell it as it is written. Secondly is that my dog needs to go to sleep, his bed time is 8:00 and it is 7:57.
I have returned from tucking him in his bed. He was adorable yet mischievous like how the fan girls see Loki from Marvel. As I went back to the table, I looked to see it is 8:12. Not that long of a break, but hey I ain't complaining. I don't know why I decided to write in general. Perhaps to have a memory to look back on? Or to express the events that have brought me at the day or night to note down? Is it a way that I have improved writing from my past?
I take a sigh to reread over the things I have done. Most of the things I have written were poems. That took me back into memories that have lead to the creation of the poems. At first, they seem as distractions from life until two poems struck me.
Struck me the actual truth over that time I have written poems like a assembly line. On how I dealt with losing another friend. I read the poem which reflect on how I find closure towards the situation. In the beginning, it showed how I blame myself for causing that whole dilemma. I stopped reading for a quick minute. The good part of this, is that I acknowledge that I have faults into leading up to it. I went on to finish that poem, "Sorry" and the ending. The ending statement:
" I won't say sorry without
that explanation. After all,
Is that how you say
Sorry?"
That showed me that I have to be seeing the whole situation. Not only from mines nor theirs, rather as if I'm just a bystander who watch it unfold like a soap opera.
My eyes widen at the realization on how long that situation started. Only a couple months. Months of Sadness. Guilt. Frustration. Sympathy, Empathy, and my support system were the things I carried as I tried to get a grip on reality.
I paused at the moment. Thinking if I should carry out the emotions that has happened. I listen into the clock speaking. The sound effects and voices coming from the tv that played some film my parents are watching entered the chat, reminding me that I should take a break from writing to get back into reality.

It's Monday now. I looked at the environment. A few hours pass since I wrote in this book.Got side tracked by classwork and talking with friends, which isn't a bad thing. It helps out with learning something about them in a way. I decided to write during English class since I have some quiet time and won't get called out in class for not paying attention.

Any who how, I look back at the page that I started on an thought to myself.

Am I breaking the 4th wall?

Or am I just writing like I'm having a conversation with someone?

I stop once again and put the pencil down. I don't understand why my hands get sweaty like it's a weird thing since my hands are cold most of the time.

I take a breath and stare at the eraser, whose case held a funny face. Cost me a good $1.50, not a bad deal. It's name. King. That reminds me of how I showed the eraser to a pal of mines, MK, and he asked me to erase him. That's when I said to him: "This erasers erases Kings, not Queens."

That made my day. I pulled out the book once again, its during my science class. Even though the whole setting isn't quiet, I still write because I need to distract myself from someone.

And not for some love thing, rather I get semi paranoid and a bit weirded out by an ex friend. The friend states that they don't hate me, yet they kept on saying it's my fault that they are lonely, have no friends, and ruin the friendship we had. We had a troubling story on how the friendship went downhill, I don't blame them for it. I did some choices that lead up to the situation. I did my best to make it work, but gave up on it since they weren't putting any effort into fixing it. The thing is that they don't acknowledge they also took choices to lead to me breaking it off. There is the summary of history that happen, in order you can get a idea from where I'm coming from. The thing is how they stared at me like I caused their problems. I really try not to acknowledge the staring especially when I was talking to one of my best friend, Soap, who sits near them. I had to remind Soap about signing up for an event so I looked towards Soap to see the ex friend looking at the both of us. As we talked, they start to look at me like I was talking to them about some news they don't like.

Anyways, I don't want to go on a full emotional rant about how I felt about that. I haven't wrote that much yesterday since my doggo wants attention and he almost broke the hook of his cage. Right now, I'm writing in history class.

Now I'm in English. Had to stop since we had to answer questions as we watch a video about the cold war. Anyways, I check my grade in science to see it dropped down a lot. I stared at the screen in shock since I received a zero in one the assignments that I have complete. What The Actual Hell. I know damn well that I finished the packet. I'm hoping that it was a mistake, so I decided to talk to the teacher after this class. I lowkey don't want to take an L in her class.

I lift up my pencil once again. I'm hearing some tapping noises. I just automatically thought it was Morse code for a second.

I stared at the page again as if it was sending a message.