MAHARBA 30

30th day (March 1, 2019)

It was the first day of the week,and I just realize something.

It was so early, yet so late.

It felt like as if, I'm exhausted na already, kahit na wala pa naman akong ginagawa.

Maybe the fact that, I've been doing this again and again for the past couple of months.

Waking up again and again.

Trying too hard to accomplish something which is too trivial for everyone.

Well, kahit na pumapasok sa isip ko ang mga gantong bagay, I always kept on mind na nasa realidad ako ngayon.

And its time to eat some maturity and responsibility, even na kahit sa pagbangon lang sa higaan.

Looking back yesterday, Specifically during the night, I was in my active and sane mode...

I was able to charge my phone properly, I was able to eat dinner, and...

I was able to execute the task that I scheduled to perform in a "not-perfectly" but "pwede-na" manner.

Though, It was yesterday, and not today.

6:40 AM.

The time was too fast, it was way too fast for me.

Actually, I don't know if somebody had the same thought already, but there's always a time when I consider building a time machine.

Not the generic-classy and famous machine which is presented in every Sci-Fi story which also gives the protagonist the ability to fuck up different timelines and end the story with him fixing his problem and satisfying the readers... Yada-Yada...

But instead, a saving-time machine.

Isang Time Machine na magbibigay sayo ng kakayahang patigilin ang oras at a particular moment and save it in a machine, just like saving the battery to full charged a cellphone.

Then, afterwards, use up the time you have save in a more productive way.

If Hindi nyo naintindihan, its like, you are waiting in line sa Rio Grande ng EK.

Instead of waiting for nothing to come, you can skip the time and proceed na agad pagmalapit ka na sa pila. And at the same time, you'll be able to use the time na dapat pinila mo and use it later, kung gagawa ka ng research paper or something.

Going back....

I was in my way to Mahabra,

"School" is a boring way to address it, kaya Mahabra nlng.

Though, month ng March ang may pinaka
Stressful and tiring activities, it still feels like I need to do something different this time.

Well, I was studying at this damn campus for the last 11 YEARS and at first, I felt like I need to change my atmosphere, I feel like, I need to escape my comfort zone and experience new things with new environment.

Its not like, suffocating na ang mga bagay na available sa paligid ko currently, But, I felt the need to spice up and add flavor to my boring life.

And soon, I realize na its not easy as it is.

Ang hirap pa lang iwan yung lugar kung saan ka lumaki.

Especially yung mga tao sa paligid mo, na nakilala mo na ng husto, tapos iiwan mo naman sa dulo.

As I realize these things, fear swallowed me.

The fear of meeting new people, the fear that baka sa bago kung school, wala kong makasalamuha. Na baka, wala akong makasundo, hindi kagaya sa Mahabra, na masaya na ako as it is.

The fear of getting homesick.

I mean, I already prepared myself for this,
But the truth is, expectation is really different from reality.

It is like, prepared ka na, pero mabibigla ka parin pag actual na.

The fear na baka, pag nalayo ka sa kanila, mawalan na kayo ng contact sa isa't isa.

These things,

Kept haunting me as I walk down the road.

Such trivial things na iniisip ko, despite the fact na magtatrabaho na ulit ako, as a CAT officer, for there is an ongoing program at the institute, and we are obligated to do our duty, kahit na labag. Hays.

Anyway, I would like to discuss further things with further meanings and feelings but I feel the need to stop for now and separate the day within 2 parts. And ah,
Its time to work na...

Sayonara.

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Marami pa sana akong gustong ipaliwanag, Mga Honest talks ba, mga bagay na hindi ko maipaliwanag sa actual and personal, for I am an akward person.
So, if someday, mabasa ko ulit ito...

Either maboring ako sa mga pinagsususlat ko or maybe, just maybe, I'll read this wholeheartedly for I am currently lonely today.

Anyway, see you later at the next part of the journal, not the story, Mahabra 30.