Poems

3am.

3am
I lie awake
Checking my phone every few minutes
Like I missed something
Like it'll be different when I check it this time
But, nothing.
So I lie awake, thinking of him
Thinking of how easy it is for me to make him laugh
I'm not even funny
Thinking about the pang in my heart when he smiles at me
He can never be mine
But he can never truly be hers
His heart resides with mine but his thoughts push him away.
Every time it seems like we've come so close
Fear gets in the way
Fear of losing the magic
And the memories
Fear that it's all just a want, not a need
Lust over love
Fear of losing a lifelong friend but also fear of never knowing what if.
Is it right to try?
He doesn't know, and he pushes me away
But I continue to pull him close
In a never ending cycle.
4 am
I check my phone one last time
Disappointed
I go back to sleep.