worth the pain | daniel seavey

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<marla lennon>

i'm the great granddaughter of john lennon. yet that isn't a good thing in school, i just get bullied constantly for it.
i'm 18 years old and i'm beginning my senior year of high school. i live in vancouver, washington, just outside portland, and i have no friends. yeah none. not a single person to help me deal with my problems or keep me company. i live on my own in a larger sized house that my parents owned, until they passed away that is. they gave me most of their shit when they passed, but i'm doing just fine on my own. i'm just all dark and twisted now.

i used to have friends but that changed when people realized i'm a loser. people felt that after my parents died 2 years ago that i stopped opening up and talking. i used to lock myself in my house and never leave, which somehow pissed everyone off which is annoying.
i have a sister but she lives in australia with her new family and doesn't ever come visit like she said she would. she rarely answers her texts but randomly checks in like she promised our parents she would do. i work at a small bakery a few blocks down from my house. it isn't the best pay but on top of school and college hunting, that's all i can do.

i've been adulting for 3 years because my mom was sick with cancer for a year before she died and my dad was never home because he couldn't stand to see the love of his life on her death bed. he ended up killing himself when she died, he couldn't handle it. i took care of my mom for as long as i could but she was always so stubborn, which is where i get it from, and kept pushing me away because i was "too young to ever have to experience this." which makes sense. but i wish i did more to help.

school starts in a few days. i picked up my schedule and got my pictures today and i'm dreading the start of senior year. i wanna be able to stay inside and read or outside at the beach or in my backyard, go to the bakery for work, go on hikes and write wherever i go like i did all summer. in case you couldn't tell, i despise school. mainly the bullies and human interaction but the setting as well. i love the work, but i'm an introvert and i'm very shy and hate having to explain my myself to my new teachers and the classmates i've been going to school with for 13 years.

there is this one boy that i see every so often, when my head isn't facing the floor, and he sometimes sends me a toothy grin but we've never really spoken to each other. he's very cute and i've heard he's very sweet, but, he's a cool kid with friends and i'm the loser in the corner who hasn't had any social interaction besides work in 2 years, which doesn't really make me his type.