Only One I Call Home

Chapter 19 - "Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future."

“What are you doing here?” He whispered softly.

I swallowed. “Are you reminiscing in the days or something? Dressing in green?”

He looked down at his pants and he suddenly looked really disappointed and sort of wretched. “No. I didn’t realise.” He shook his head.

I smiled small. “I just came to tell you that I’m going to visit Rob. I was wondering if there was a letter you might have wanted to pass on or something?”

He shook his head. “No. I’d be too embarrassed to ever speak to him again.”

“Why?” I frowned. “You two got along really well.”

“He was the one who told me that you disappeared. He gave me all the letters and I was mad at him because he wouldn’t report it. He refused to do anything about it. That’s not what his job is meant to be.” He shook his head again. “It doesn’t really matter.”

“Really? He did that? For me?” I smiled small. “I didn’t think he would.”

“He shouldn’t have.” Trey said pointedly. “He should have said something the minute he knew you’d runaway. Especially considering you were a minor, a foster child and an ex-convict practically.”

I bit my lip. “You realise he was only protecting me? He was helping me move on.”

He sighed. “I do, now. I was so worried about you. But then I realised how much better things were for you here. How you actually had a life. And I know now that you don’t need me anymore.”

I felt the lump rise in my throat. I hated that he thought that my life was better without him. “I do need you. I just…Right now, I need to sort out my life. It may not seem like it but I don’t have time to worry about your feelings right now, okay?”

He held up his finger. “Hold on.”

He turned around and quickly walked through his house, I listened as he jogged up the stairs. I turned around, watching my car. I only considered bailing for a brief second. And by the time I decided that it would be a bad idea to leave, he was back at the door.

He handed me a small, familiar looking, leather band with a turtle on it. I frowned at it. I hardly even remembered giving it to him. I met his eyes and realised that I’d hurt him so much that he wouldn’t even look at me. He nudged it towards me and made a point of avoiding my eyes. I could see how much pain it was causing him but I refused to acknowledge that it was completely my fault.

“Please, take it. I can’t hold onto it any longer.” He whispered.

I frowned. “Are you saying you can’t hold onto me for any longer?”

He pushed it onto my wrist, ran a hand over his face and then finally met my eyes. His were bloodshot and dark, he had huge bags underneath them and he looked exhausted. He took a deep breath; his voice was unsteady when he spoke. “I’m saying that I have to let you go.” He gulped and then sighed again. “No matter how much I wish that I could just hold you forever, and protect you for the rest of my life. And no matter how much I wish that I could be the one to make you okay again. I can’t. I have to let you go, Laurel.”

Then he turned away from me and shut the door gently. I turned around and took a step but I couldn’t really steady myself, I grabbed the wall and sucked in my breath. I listened to his heavy breathing and I slumped down the door and hugged my knees, knowing he was doing the same thing. I knocked twice on the door and turned onto my side, sliding my hand through the letterbox opening in the door.

“Please don’t give up yet. I’m sorting things out.” I spoke carefully.

He grabbed my hand and squeezed it. “As much as I would like to listen to you and believe that things would be sorted soon, they’re not going to be. I can’t…I have to give up L. There’s nothing left for us, it’s over.”