Theme Song
I'm just a kid who's four, each day I die some more /
I'm just a kid who can't remember their name.
And the ability to get through the day/
without snorting crack
Everyone's dead
Except for Caillou! (whoever that is)
Narrator Voice: It was just another day in the Caillou household.
Caillou is excited because he is going to the zoo today!
"YAYYYYYY!!! ZOO! ZOO!" Caillou screeched out like a banshee.
"Alright you little slu-, I mean. Chillld of mine that I love dearly." Caillou's mom said lovingly. "Rosie will be at daycare today. She's a little too young to go to such a dangerous place. You know, Harambe and all."
Caillou made a gun with his fingers and shot at Rosie.
"That's right, Rosie. That's what they did to the monkey." Caillou laughed, running around shooting things.
The shitlit and his family got in the car. "Happy birthday you little shitlit!"
That's when Caillou realized the reason he was bald. Leukemia.
As his Daddy hit the gas, they flew off toward another new adventure----
A 95 honda civic.
BANG BOOM CRASH! WHAM! SIRENS! Wee-OOh! (Onomonpedias)
The world spun around in circles. Caillou's head was ringing as he heard the footsteps of death approach.
He heard everyone screaming, his mother hitting the pavement, and then, silence.
He remembered....
He remembered his father's dying scream of, "Caillou is adopted! I'm not gonna' take this secret to my grave!!!!"
~~~~
When Caillou awoke, he was in a hospital gown hooked up to beep-bloop-ba-ba-dooping machines and needles in his arms. He could still smell blood.
"Who, what, where, when, how, why?" Caillou screamed out all at once in a blind panic.
A nurse came in soon after and stabbed him with a needle while singing "Mrs. Potato Head" by Melanie Martinez.
Caillou soon when back into a deep sleep.
~~~~
When Caillou woke up for the second time, he was in a wheelchair in a long hallway.
This time, he woke up slowly, holding back the urge to scream.
"Hello, little girl~ What's your rush~ You're missing all the flowers~"
Caillou turned around to see a doctor singing a song from "Into the Woods." He was thoroughly confused but didn't question it.
The doctor then paused for an awkward amount of time.
"Yeaaahhh.... You have anterograde amnesia. I figured if you won't remember me telling you this, then it doesn't matter how I say it." The doctor said while dancing Gangnam style. "As you can see, I am retiring soon."
Caillou didn't know how to react.
"What's a Rectal-gradual- amseia?"
"Retrograde amnesia is when "loss of memory-access to events that occurred, or information that was learned, before an injury or the onset of a disease" (Wikipedia). The doctor said to Caillou, not giving a sh*t.
"Sooo..... Who am I?"
"Not my problem," he said as he wheeled Caillou away to the front desk.
"Ready for check-out, nurse!" The doctor said to the smoking hot nurse who looked to have come out of a p*rn magazine.
"Alright!" She said, looking up the patient's information on her computer. Typing away as though she was making an ASMR video.
"The boy lives at C*nt lane number Six three times."
"Good enough for me!"
Before Caillou knew it, he was thrown onto his front lawn.
"Okay?" Caillou said as he picked himself up from the floor.
Not knowing what to do, he walked over to the front door.
He knocked three times before the door slowly creaked open.
He looked down and exclaimed,
"WHY IS THERE A GREMLIN IN THIS HOUSE???"
Rosie looked up at her brother expectantly. Hurt by his words, she began to cry and run away on all fours.
Caillou walked in the rest of the way, closing the door behind him.
"Where am I?" He said to no one in particular.
YOU ARE READING
The great Adventures of Caillou
SpiritualCaillou's learning more everyday Everyone say hip hip hooray!
