Seriously in over my head

Alone

"Well now is that the way to talk to your boyfriend now?" He asks and I close my eyes whimpering under my breath.

"N-No of course not love. "

"That's better. I'm coming over now. Be ready I'm in the mood to splurge. "

NO! babe I-I moved. "

"Out?"

"Yeah finally right?" I say nervously.

"That's amazing! I just kicked out Michael and Calum last week. Do you know what this means?" I just had to pick it up.

"What?"

"We can finally be together together! you can move in with me baby!" I think I'm gonna be sick.

"Isn't that great?"

"Fantastic. " I say and he laughs I can almost feel his vigorous smirk through the phone.

"Okay so text me your new house and I'll be right over so pack your shit you're coming with me!" I nod

"I love you hazza. " He ends and I close my eyes and breath in and out slowly.

"I love you too Ashton. " I hang up.

Who's Ashton? that's what you're probably thinking. Well terrific thanks for asking. Ashton is my boyfriend who I just fell completely head over heels for 5 years ago. Ashton was mine and I was his for 3 and a half years until he started abusing me. He didn't drink or take drugs or go insane he just repeatedly started beating me for the hell of it. He blamed it on me of course saying. Didn't treat him right so he said I would pay and he would fuck people in front of me. Literally he would tie me to a chair gag me and fuck someone right in my face as I cried. I love him so much I couldn't help but love him harder every time he did it. When he would abuse me I would try hard to not show my agony and pain. He would 'fun rape' me too he would just take my pants off and randomly start raping me. Well technically it wasn't rape since I didn't try to stall him but I didn't encourage it either so it was a love/hate relationship basically. I loved him with all my heart and he wasn't all bad he was still my loving and caring boyfriend who I fell for until...... he threw me out. He just picked up all my stuff and threw me out of our house and that's when I moved back in with my family I cried and waited him to contact me for days on end but he never did. But 3 months ago he contacted me as told me he was with 2 guys who loved him back and didn't care he was cheating with the other so they moved in together and he just bragged and said he moved on and never water to see me again so I gave up. I just tried to throw all our memories all our happiness together into a huge trash can. It was impossible though ever moment every careless ever chat we had would really throughout the days he's been gone. I still love him I can't get him out of my mind its physically impossible since I haven't found the one yet. I haven't even found a distraction since him. So when I'm with Zayn I feel real and happy I don't want to disappoint him otherwise I would die. I just want him happy even if it means killing this Niall and getting him back his soul mate it'll hurt yeah but at least I won't be jeopardizing anyone else and I can help my crush. I can only call it crush cuz I don't feel love yet it hasn't been long enough I think it just might b-

"Harry?" I hear and my heart breaks.

"Yeah zee you need anything?"

"D-do you think you can make me s-something haz?" He sniffles halfway down the stairs peeking his head over the railing staring straight at me mesmerizing me.

"Of course zee...... what do you feel like?" he shrugs

"Any cravings? desert? dinner? both?" he shrugs again and I sigh chuckling.