emotions

lose myself

everyone seems to have a good time
but why not me?
why can't I let myself be free?
it feels like I'm the center of judgement
everyone is looking at me
but they don't mean to hurt me
or do they?
do they want me to lose myself with their gazes?
do they want me to feel so small,
insecure
and weak?
and if they do ; then why?
why don't they want me to
feel strong and fearless?
guess I'll never know