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I've seen and heard people say that I'm always standing up for you. Some have said that I can become even a bit aggressive when I'm defending you. And it's true. I really do it and I really do it like they say. Because I can't stand back and watch as people doubt your skills and potential. It angers me and it's even worse when it's you, yourself, the one who does it. Whenever I hear you say something self-deprecating or self-doubting, my blood boils in my veins.

It happens because I know how hard you work and how much of yourself you put into everything you do. You shouldn't be anything but proud of every single thing you ever did. I also know how grateful you are to everyone around you and how desperately you wish to be able to give them something in return for their affections, even though no one expects you to. You are kind and good natured. You love everyone with all of your heart and soul. You want them to be well. You want them to be happy. It doesn't matter how much of a toll it takes on you, you'll do everything you can to assure that happens.

I admire you for it, I really do. But you already give so much without need and without expecting anything back... How can you possibly think it's not enough? It's far too much. You should think about yourself more. You should be more selfish. You should learn to say no!

(I have said all of this to you a thousand times. But what I never told you is that I am unbearably afraid that someday I'll lose you to these yesses you keep giving. That you'll give out everything and there won't be anything left for me. That you'll slide through my hands and get lost in this world you love so much and so deeply. What will I do then?)

When other people make fun of you, my heart aches and I get just as angry. I know they mean no harm - in their heads, it is all fun and games. You also take everything in stride, never losing that blinding smile of yours, no matter what. You laugh loudly, scandalously even. You join in the joke. You clown around. Everyone loves you so much for that - you are such a positive person to be close by!

But I know better. About you, I always know better.

I know that the words they say get through the thick skin you pretend to have.I know that they haunt you constantly. They claw and gnaw at all of your uncertainties and make them deeper. They scar you and it shows. It shows when it's just the two of us, when you let yourself be open and talk about how insecure you are, about how stressed you are, about how you think you won't be able to make it...

And that's why I lash out. To people I care about, to people I love, to people I respect... It doesn't matter - once I see them making a fool out of you and I see you smiling back at them as if their words are not killing you inside, I lash out.

You say I shouldn't do it and that it makes people wary and less likely get close to me. I always say I don't care.

(You think I say that because I'm a bit cold and self-assured, but the truth is that I don't care about the consequences, as long as I can protect you. As long as my actions can give you even a few extra seconds of peace of mind, I don't care who I have to offend or hurt. Because you are everything I have.)

Yesterday and today, you told the crowd about how much I take care of you. You even told them a few tales about our trip to Japan. You told them about how I took care of the financial management and that all you ended up doing was touring and taking pics. You told them about how you made me wait for ages because you got distracted while shopping. You also told them about how I heroically saved your life during rehearsals. It sounded funny and maybe a bit romantic. The audience all but roared at those stories. I wonder how would they react if they knew the truth behind every single one of them...