Braver Than I Used to Be

Chapter Twenty-Six

His parents looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders. "You're gay?" his dad said.

Victor took a deep breath, "Yes."

They looked between Victor and Ray a few times and just said, "Okay."

I held in a laugh and Matthew elbowed me.

"That's it?" Adriana said. "You're not upset?"

"Why?" their mother said, "Victor dates terrible girls. Ray is a good guy."

"Oh, okay." Adriana said. Her and Vivian looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders.

"Anyone else, we would be upset, but not Ray." Their father said.

"And there it is." Vivian said.

All these months of panic and not wanting to tell his parents, and they didn't even care. They asked if Ray was going to teach him to cook and clean since he didn't do it at home. They knew we were teaching Matthew to cook and had always insisted we teach their kids as well.

Victor looked at Ray who was trying so hard not to laugh, "Yeah, of course we can teach him, won't be as good as your cooking though."

Victor's mom gushed as she always did when Ray flattered her. "Good, but no moving in together until after High School."

"Mom!" Victor yelled, embarrassed, "No one said anything about that!"

"No one has to, Mateo lives there now. You will live with us until you finish High School." She said firmly.

Instead of arguing, Ray told him to let it go and Victor did.

When we were preparing for the party in the morning, we needed to light the tiki torches we had just bought for later that night. I thought we had a lighter in the kitchen, but I couldn't find it anywhere. I knew my dad kept a few hidden in his dresser for his cigars that he smoked on the patio sometimes.

He didn't know I knew he smoked sometimes, but I have been watching him since I was a kid. He kept a little cigar box hidden in his dresser with the lighters. I found it in the very last drawer, of course I started at the top and messed up his neatly fixed clothes. Underneath his jeans wrapped in a jean cloth was a little wooden box. I knew that was it, I had seen it before. I pulled it out and carefully unwrapped it, taking note of exactly how everything was positioned so I could position it back.

When I opened the box, I found a single cigar and a lighter lying next to a little black leather notebook. The lighter had a skull and cross bones on it. Something told me I shouldn't touch the cigar or the lighter, but I was too curious about the book not to touch it.

I put the box down in the drawer and opened the book. It seemed to be a list. First there was a name, just one name, either a first or a last. Then, there was another row with a number and a third row with a larger number. The numbers in each row varied. Some were the same, some were different. I turned the pages trying to figure out what the numbers meant. Nothing came to me. The notebook was almost full, I noticed there was only one full name in the entire book: Brian Miller, my mother's maiden name. Next to his name was the number '70 and next to that was the number –10,000.

I slammed the book shut and put everything exactly as I found it. When I got up my head felt a little bit dizzy. I walked out the room trying not to alarm anyone. I calmed myself and told Ray I couldn't find a lighter and that he needed to go get one from the store.

I did my best to enjoy the party and I managed to have a good time, but in the back of my mind I knew something and I hoped to God I was wrong about it.

It tugged in the back of my head on the way to school the next day and I was pretty quiet. I had to make myself aware that I was acting strange. I didn't want to lie, but I also didn't want to tell anyone what I found. I wasn't sure if I was worried about them confirming my suspensions or thinking I was crazy.

I focused on the first day and compared schedules with Ray, Matthew and Victor. Ray and I never had any classes together, it was a school rule, no siblings could have classes together. Matthew and I had two classes together and Victor had a class with each of us.

School felt so different this year, I didn't feel like the most hated person in school because my brother wouldn't date any of the girls. People stopped hating me because Matthew and I were dating. People just stopped disliking me in general it seemed. This was how High School should have always been for me. Now, people knew to expect the four of us together all the time. We were getting invited to go out places and to hang out with the other students. It felt so weird, but I also still didn't feel interested in being around any of them more than I needed to.

"What should we do for your birthday?" Matthew said to me while we were in bed that night.

"I have no idea."

In one week, Ray and I would be eighteen-years-old. We had been talking about what we should do for our birthday, but we haven't settled on anything yet. We just had a party, so I didn't want to have another one. In the back of my mind I kept thinking about what I saw in the notebook. I felt like it was something I should address or tell someone about, but I hadn't figured it all out yet. Trying to figure it out distracted me most of the day sometimes and I had no idea what was going on. I was supposed to be figuring out what to do for our birthday, but the thought hadn't even crossed my mind.

"Well we can go out somewhere for the day, do dinner. Since it is Saturday, we have the whole day."

"Let's ask the guys tomorrow. I guess since it is both of our birthdays, we should agree on it."

"Fair enough."

He wrapped his arm around me and took less than ten minutes to fall asleep, as always.

My eyes stayed open, the number of pages in the book haunted me. I couldn't admit it to myself, but I had a feeling the family rumor was true and I had seen the proof of his murder. And if that was one murder, then I was sure the rest must be the same thing.

I wasn't going to tell Ray or Matthew because if it was true, then they had the knowledge too. I didn't know what would happen if my Dad ever knew what I saw. I liked to think he wouldn't have me killed, but I did worry there may be some sort of consequence.