Look at me,
I seem fine don't I?
Of course I do.
You can say we were nothing.
But you weren't the one abused.
I carry around mental scarring,
The empty words you spoke are burned in my mind.
Will I ever get over you?
I don't know,
But I will try my damned best.
I try to put us behind me,
Sometimes I wish we would still be together,
Because I believe I deserve the pain you gave me.
You played with my mind.
Used my own innocence against me.
You gave me the time of my life while giving me hell at the same time.
I wish I could forget you,
Maybe then I wouldn't have so many problems.
I try to say that we were nothing.
But we were something.
I felt the spark when I kissed you.
I felt something with us.
I saw love in your eyes,
or so I thought.
But eyes don't lie.
What were you thinking when you used me?
Or did you actually love me?
Was I some sort of entertainment to you?
Some toy you thought would be fun to play with?
Some toy you got bored with?
Someone temporary?
Just someone fun to mess with?
It was real for me,
I was flying when I was with you.
But I forgot that gravity existed,
And when you dropped me,
I hit the pavement hard.
Scars were left where the blood spilled out.
I trace over them like a lost memory,
I remember every moment from when you took my innocence.
It was toxic,
like the chemicals in a cigarette.
I get addicted.
I try to quit.
But I still crave it.
I'm trying not to remember us.
Every memory is like a fading dream to never be touched again.
Others tell me it's not worth it.
That you're not worth the agony.
But how could I forget you?
How could I forget us?
How could I forget the memories?
How could I forget staying up all night talking when our parents were asleep?
How could I forget sneaking out to meet up?
Or the lies I told so our parents didn't find out about us?
For months I stayed with you,
Believing every lie you told me.
Drinking from the cup of sin you served me.
How could I forget that?
I thought you loved me,
Remember our promise?
To be together forever.
Did that change?
Or was it another lie?
I don't know how your mind works,
Hell I barely know how mine works.
I wish I could get answers.
But maybe you have forgotten about us and moved on.
Or do I run across your mind like you do mine?
Why do you affect me like this?
I feel like a wreck,
probably because I am.
I am a sunken ship in the ocean,
people are hurt,
some even die,
others retreat on safety boats.
Getting as far away from the chaos as they can.
They hope to forget the tragedy that I am.
The tragedy that took so many lives.
Families will light candles in the memory of the loved ones.
If I died would you do the same for me?
Would you cry?
Would you wish for me to be in heaven?
Or would you not care?
Would you shrug it off and keep me in your past?
Would you even care?
Have you ever cared about me?
Was it before i started sinking deeper into the darkness.
We both bled black blood,
Because we both found comfort in the darkness.
Your hand would hold mine.
Fingers entangled
Messily put together.
Like a kindergartener's art piece.
A mess,
Yes that is what we were.
A tragic mess.
A love tragedy,
Like Romeo and Juliet.
But I don't recall Romeo mentally abusing Juliet.
Or did he?
Did I miss that part of the play?
Was this all fiction to you?
Like a play put on for the people around us.
I can tell you I moved on but then I would be lying.
sometimes I think I'm a compulsive liar,
I say "I'm fine" so many times when I'm not,
people think I'm getting better,
but I am getting worse.
water fills my lungs as the ship sinks deeper,
I try to scream
nothing comes out.
but the truth is,
we were something,
something I wish to forget.
