The Source

Guides and Practices

“What if it is rewritten?” I ask. I was still crying by I wiped my tears and lifted my head from his shoulder.

“Then it is.” He says. We get silent as more tears spill. I take deep breathes and finally find something to say too break the silence.

“Why did you want to watch the sun set?” I ask a smile on my face.

“Because one day a while back, a girl I loved and currently love, told me that she thought watching the sunrise, set, and seeing the stars was romantic and I had too one day do it. Because I know that girl back then is still inside you. Because I still love you. Maybe even more than ever.” The tears rush back too my eyes and slip out.

“It still is romantic. Only I have never done it before. I just know it is.” I smile and lay in Kyan’s arms.

 

When the sun begins setting I stare at the sky. My eyes are wide and my smile big. Kyan is staring at me and holding my hand.

“Look.” I say pointing at the sky. It was pink, purple, blue, and green. All so pretty mashed together. There was yellow and orange as well but it was fading the more the sun went down. I layed back and enjoyed the view.

Once the sun was set Kyan drove me home. But right now we sit in his car in my driveway listening to the radio. Kyan turns the volume on low and then we sit there.

“I really liked being with you today. I had a lot of fun.” I smile and nod my head yes. “But if we were dating things would have been a lot different.” I knew where he was going and I was scared. Scared to tell him the truth. Although I barely knew the truth myself.

“It would have been.” I say imagining it. It would have been a whole nother story. A novel. I knew it and he did too. A novel that no one would be able to read for it would be too long. Small letters as in the bible. Hard to read and boring.

“I know you can’t choose between me and Josh but please, please figure out soon. I can’t stand not getting into you the way the future shows. I know I could but I want too like your choices and not make you mad. I want too except your wishes. And I will. But it’s been a while and I want you to choose. I mean when you are with Josh I get jealous and feel sad and empty, feel like I lost you. But I know Josh feels the same way when you are with me.” He pauses and breathes, “I’m just saying I love you and I support either choice but if my future is correct then I am winning and I want you to see that. I am winning your heart more than he is.” I can tell Kyan is crying now just by the emotions that are washing over me. Drowning me like waves of water. I couldn’t breath and I wouldn’t have to.

I get out of my seat and over too Kyan’s. I sit on his lap and kiss him harder than I ever had before. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to kiss him and Josh both but for now if what Kyan says is true then I will love him more until he can see that it changed.

Mine and Kyan’s lips were colliding and it was intense. I mean it felt like we were getting somewhere else. But I knew I couldn’t let this go too far. Or let Josh find out because it would crush him.

I never kissed Josh on the lips but I knew if I could I would because I have dreamed of it before. But I have never gotten the nerve and neither has Josh. We are just friends that are really good and in love. We will kiss each others cheeks, hug, and what not but, we never kissed on the lips, especially like me and Kyan are at the moment.

Me and Kyan where really into it all but finally it was time for me too go. I pulled back and breathed rather heavy as I looked into Kyan’s eyes. They where shining with sparkles and I knew this was what he wanted (well part) but I had too go. To study I mean this chapter is about practice and study guides right? Not me and Kyan kissing, or my dreams, or even my love for both Josh and Kyan. But anyways I did have to study. And now too.

“I have to go to study. But I will see you tomorrow.” I smile and open the door. Crawling out Kyan’s side. “Oh and please don’t say a word. I don’t want too break Josh’s heart anymore. It can be our secret.” I say and smile.

Before shutting the door I kiss Kyan one last time and then go shutting the door behind me. He goes and I take out my phone and cross off two things on my list, seeing Kyan, and relaxing and staying calm.

Now one more thing and that was too read more of my guidebooks. I walked inside and laid down on my bed. My voice screaming inside. It was all so wonderful. But I had to study. I had too it was on my To Do List. But I could erase it and focus on Kyan.

“But what about Josh,” I ask in my head. “You love him to don’t you?” I ask again in my head. I lose my happiness I had from Kyan and think of Josh. I grabbed my phone and first erased the guides and then went too text Josh.

To: Josh: Hello, I luv U

After I sent it I felt better. But I knew what I could have done was life changing. I could have lost Josh forever and been left with Kyan (which isn’t bad).

From: Josh: I luv U more

To: Josh: Prove it…

 

The next few days have been long and workful but tomorrow is the day Josh goes to The Source. I know I will be there and I know for sure that nothing he gets will scare me away. But as for today back to my normal practice.

*Group work with Josh, Summer, Kyan, and Suzan

*Guidebooks

*Hanging with them all on lunch break

So yeah. Today Josh said he was going to prove his love for me. I was excited and nervous but he said that it might take me away from my guidebooks but either way I was ready.

Most of my day I was alone (when I froze time) and other times I was listening to my head. Actually it gave me a really bad headache. But now it was lunch break, then practice, then too wherever Josh was taking me. So at lunch break we all brought sandwiches so I sat on the grass eating mine. We were in a circle. Josh too my left, Kyan too his left, Suzan too Kyan’s left, and Summer too my right. So while I was eating my and Josh were staring, blushing, and making faces. It was fun and sort of made me less hungry being nervous for whatever we were going to do.

 

After everything was over it was time. Everyone left and Josh held out his hand. I took it and we walked around until we were at waters edge. We sat down and faced each other. I was holding both of his hands and he was holding both of mine.

“How do I prove my love to you?” Josh asks.

“That was something you had to figure out.” I laugh and stare into his hazel eyes.

“Well I have one idea…” He says slowly.

“What?” I ask looking at him.

“This.” He says and then he leans in our little area and kisses me. His lips are soft and gentle on mine.

But besides that his hands were cupping my face and we breathed slowly. It was a clam kiss and this was one way of proving your love too me.