i love u so [d r a r r y]

flashbacks

All the following is in Draco's pov:

Year 1:

I saw him coming in the store. His hair was messy. It looked weirdly satisfying. He was short, had tan skin and he wore rounded glasses. He was wearing very peculiar clothes. They were big and baggy and didn't flatter him very much. But the thing I noticed about him first wasn't his baggy clothes, or messy hair, or rounded glasses - I noticed his bright green eyes first. I hadn't ever seen eyes similar to those. He was talking to Madam Malkin. Malkin placed the boy next to me for fitting his robe.
"Hello," I slipped, "Hogwarts too?"
"Yes," he answered. He didn't seem very chatty, so I knew I shouldn't continue the conversation, but I discovered myself saying more:
"My father's next door buying my books and mother's up the street looking at wands. Then I'm going to drag them off to look at the racing brooms. I don't see why first-years can't have their own. I think I'll bully father into getting me one and I'll smuggle it in somehow."
He was silent, so I knew my attempt at seeming cool wasn't working. Probably, because I was nervous. Why was I nervous?
I then broke the silence:
"Have you got your own broom?"
"No, " he said.
"Play Quidditch at all?"
"No, " he said once again. The next thing that got my attention was him saying, that his parents are dead. I couldn't imagine a life without my parents. Without having motherly love and a father to look up to. I didn't want to think about it anymore, so I just said:
"Oh, sorry."

After he had rejected me, I felt empty. Like a hole had just formed in my chest. A fire was around the hole and inside it were tears. Why did he reject me? Maybe, I was acting a bit nasty. Acting before thinking.

Year 4

How to get his attention? After the course of four years, I had started hating Potter. That emotion was clear. But I also had something else towards him. An emotion I'd been wanting to code since I first met him. That emotion was more powerful than my hatred towards him. What was it?

Year 6

Is it better to die or live in pain? A question, I had asked myself for the past year. I decided that living in pain is the right answer because I still had the desire to live. Somehow. But it was slowly fading away. Doing all these things. It wasn't me. Potter was the last thing I needed to think about. But still, emotions overpowered logic. I still hated him. That's why I broke his nose. I regretted it, but I couldn't let him come between my mission. One thing was clear, though. I was in love with him. I don't know when it happened. Maybe it happened last year, maybe it happened this month, maybe it happened when I first saw him... Loving another male. It was wrong. Completely wrong. I couldn't be like this.

The Malfoy Manor

When he came in, I instantly knew it was Potter. Harry Potter. He was definitely under some jinx, but I could still recognise those green eyes anywhere. Bellatrix wanted me to identify him. I couldn't, he'll be killed. So, I just said:
"I can't be sure."
Then, I was told to identify Weasley and Granger. Mother had already identified Granger, so I really had no choice, but to agree with that. When Granger was being crucified, my head knew nothing justified for her being a mudblood, but I didn't think it was right to make her scream like that. It pained my ears and made me question the morality of my soul.

The Battle of Hogwarts

I was screaming. The fire was everywhere and I just wanted to get out. Potter got me on his broom. Thank god. I was still screaming because I was extremely scared. I held Potter really tight, so tight I could feel the strains of messy hair against my face, I could feel his abs under his shirt. Yes, I was hard. Why? It was a) anxiety of being in the smoky room or b) attraction. Maybe both.

Potter was dead. He died for saving others. Something I couldn't ever dare to do. I felt devasted. I hated myself for being a dick towards him.
But he wasn't dead. I didn't have to grieve and regret anymore. I was relieved.

When I heard the news, that he defeated him, I knew no one was going to mourn him. I wasn't. My mother most definitely wasn't and father had already gone through so much trouble with him, I'm sure he didn't feel any sadness in him. His death just made everyone's life easier.