senseless [Dramione]

Senseless

Sitting here, in my common room, my thoughts are starting to drift away. Away from the more important things. Away from my actual life. Away from my friends, my family, my teachers, my education. Away from everything. But that's not quite me. Or at least, everyone would think that that's not me. He would think that that's not me. But why the hell would he care? Why would he think about me? I don't even know why I cared about him. But every time he sees me and says another insult in my direction, every time he calls me names, every time he's mean to me; I can't help but notice how my heart is skipping a beat. How I'm holding my breath for a second. How I have to stop myself from smiling at him. But the heart skipping a beat doesn't make any sense, does it? Holding your breath doesn't make any sense, does it? Falling for someone who hates you doesn't make sense, does it?  It just doesn't make sense because if your heart really skipped, you'd die. If you hold your breath for too long, you'd die. If you fall for the wrong person, it can kill you inside. So why do I keep doing this to myself? I doesn't make any sense. Does it?

Walking to the 'Defense Against The Dark Arts' class slower than usual just to see him doesn't make any sense, does it? Cought up in thoughts I'm starting to mentally drift away. Away from class. Away from Harry, who's sitting next to me.  Away from Mr. and Mrs. All-Time-Snogging, Won-Won and Lavender. Away from Professor Snape. Away from the dark times that are coming nearer second by second. Of to my own little world, where I'm happy. Where we are happy together. But Hermione Granger, muggleborn and Gryffindor, and Draco Malfoy, Slytherin Prince and proud pureblood? Together?  Happy? That doesn't make any sense, does it?

Sitting at the table on the great hall not eating anything, just thinking of him doesn't make any sense, does it? "What's wrong?" Harry looks at me, with a worried expression. "Why aren't you eating?" Harry is the only one who noticed, Ron is rather busy right now. "Nothing, I'm just not hungry right now." I say with a little forced smile and Harry seems to believe me. Faking a smile and lying to my best friend doesn't make any sense, does it?

I'm standing in the middle of a forest silently speaking the protection charms. Once I'm finished, my thoughts start to drift away. Away from Ron and Harry. Away from the cold, dark forest we would be staying at for a few days. Away from not having a proper, warm bed. Away from all the pain I'd already felt and the one I  knew I will feel sooner or later. Away from the war. To him. Where is he? What is he doing? Who is with him? But thinking of him while there is so much more important stuff to do, doesn't make any sense, does it?

Here I am. A tear escaping my eye. Screaming at the pain I'm feeling. The knife is carving more and more letters into my arm. I'm looking at him. Trying to catch his eye. A tear escapes his eye as he's forming the words "I'm sorry" with his mouth. But him being sorry for me doesn't make any sense, does it?

Here I am. Standing at Platform 9 3/4. Watching my daughter get on the train. I'm proud. I can't help but smile. I look around and see someone. His grey eyes stare into mine and it seems like that he just has gotten more and more handsome over the past 19 years. The war was over. I saw him saying goodbye to his son, and then turning over to a beautiful tall brunette woman. He kisses her. It hurts. But it shouldn't. Because after all, I'm married. I have children. After all, it still hurts.

And after all, it's senseless.

                  The End