a slice of the mandarin pie

chapter 1: there's a snake in my boot

i sat on my phone bored, the interests of the scenic views passing me by. we were driving up a mountain, and i could see loads of jungle and the ocean down below. we were on a narrow, windy road. "elle, why don't you take a look at the view?" my mum asked from the front seat. i didn't understand it?? why force someone to do something they didn't want to? it was like me trying to get her to have an interest in dad.

"i'll pass," i mutter, and turn back the phone in my hand. i was livid as frick. i commented something hugely spectacular and funny, and (i'm sure) minutes after someone saw my joke and stole it. her comment got thousands of likes and what credit did i get?? zero. someone get me some fricking nurofen because i'm about to smack my head into a wall several times to forget about the pain in my heart.

suddenly i was scrolling and i came across something very dear to my heart. the bee movie. it was a picture of barry bee with mike wazowski's face over barry's. i chuckled quietly to myself. what a riot!

"what are you laughing about elle???" my mum asks me because she doesn't have any chill. and i mean literally, she didn't want to get a fridge because she believes the cold will give us cancer and it was a plot from the government, so she has to go grocery shopping daily because the food keeps getting rotten.

"IS IT A BOY??" mum screams. the car came to a slamming holt and my face smashed into the seat. "give me your phone." mum said and held out her hand to me. I gave her my phone and i can see the disappointment in her eyes. "i am sorry i asked" she said and keeps driving, not giving my phone back.

i think back to my favorite movie, fast and the furious 4, and ask to myself, what would the rock do in this situation?? i immediately understand. jump out of the moving car. it's what dwayne would want.

i try to push open the car door but it won't budge. suddenly i realise, damn. my mum obviously put on the child lock because she knew i would do this!!! i did it last time, it's too predictable!!

i think back to another plan. do i think mum would make the window glass smashproof? yes. do i know if she has? only one way to find out.

"mum, can i please borrow your stiletto?" i ask politely so she'll like me. "sure hun, why?" she asks back. shoot. i should have been prepared for this. why would someone randomly borrow a stiletto? "i want to try this 5 minute crafts thing where they plug a charger into the shoe and the phone starts charging. but it involves breaking a car window-" "really that specific?" mum asks. "yeah i know i thought it was weird too," i say. "hope that's ok."

"of course honey! anything to support your budding career as a scientist!!" she chuckles. i fake chuckle with her, if only she knew i wanted to be a salad dressing expert.

she takes her stiletto off her foot without taking her other foot off the pedal and hands it to me without looking at me.

i start pounding at the window and lucky for me im hulk smash so i defeat that thing in one minute. "thanks mum" i say to keep her less suspicious. "i really think it's gonna work." "good for you honey!" she replies chirpily. I notice that no cars are coming from the other side of the road so i take my chance and jump out, and quickly jump behind a tree so when my mum comes back she won't see me.

sure enough, moments later my mum has reversed and is hopping out of the car. "honey, why the heck did you do that?" she asks nicely. "because i wanna now leave me alone!" i call back. "ok honey," she says and gets back in the car and drives away.

i glance at my wrist, there was a sliver of blood. i realise in hindsight my mistake. i should have just opened a window.